Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2004. Mattie was two and half years old and that day his preschool went on a day trip to a local farm. The farm had a barn filled with hay. The kids were running around and having a ball. Mattie was hesitant by first, but he tried participating and at that age really wanted me to tag along and be his play buddy. I am so glad that I never missed the opportunity to be right by Mattie's side, to take part in school trips and functions, and to be a full time mom. We packed a lot into seven years together, but of course it just wasn't enough time.
Quote of the day: Grieving is intense and it is non-stop intense. Even if things are quiet, and you’re sitting there in your chair, kind of staring off into space, inside, the intensity is raging. ~ Lori Ennis
This morning, both of my parents had a podiatry appointment. My dad sees this doctor every 9 weeks to get his toe nails cut and have a foot exam. He was a diabetic all his adult life, which has consequences on the feet. Ironically in 2020, when he got sick with urinary sepsis and an impacted colon, he lost 50 pounds. As a result he was NO LONGER a diabetic.
For the last two months my mom has been complaining of heel pain. I felt her heel, and I assumed it was a callous. However, the podiatrist feels that isn't the cause of her problems. He did a simple test to screen for peripheral artery disease (PAD) by checking for the pulses in her feet. In each foot, there should be two pulses that are easily detected by a trained physician. This test is performed to determine whether the blood flow to your feet is normal. It turns out he can't feel any pulse and scored her 0 out of 4 on the screening.
The next step in screening is the ankle brachial index, which uses blood pressure cuffs on her arm and leg in combination with a Doppler probe, which uses an ultrasound wave, to help hear the pulse in the foot. Using this technology, can help to better assess the blood flow to the area. For most people, blood pressure in the foot should be similar to the blood pressure in the arm. A drop of as little as 10 percent in that pressure can be an indication of peripheral artery disease.
Needless to say my mom was VERY concerned by this news and began to panic. As she panics, I become very calm and almost dispassionate about the issue, in order to logically think about how we are going to attack and address the issue. We went home immediately and I contacted her cardiologist. We are seeing him on Thursday and in the mean time, I booked her next week to have further arterial assessments of her legs. Considering my mom had an 100% blockage of a coronary artery in 2018, it is possible that this is a bigger problem than it looks. While my mom was freaking out, my dad was in his own world talking about how nice it was to get his nails cut and what a wonderfully sunny day it was! He has NO ability to absorb what is going on around him, despite being in the exam room with all of us.
All I can say is..... there is no break for me. My mom has multiple issues going on right now: 1) her left wrist is swollen and has limited functioning of her hand (which requires an evaluation by a hand surgeon), 2) she has difficulty walking and trouble balancing (I can't wait until we see the neurologist and we get some sort of direction and explanation for what's going on), and 3) now she has no pulse in the feet. This alone would be more than enough to balance, but I also care for my dad.
My dad completed his 8 day course of steroids yesterday for an allergic reaction to a bug bite. He was a different person on steroids. More lively, engaged, talkative, and physically active. Now that the steroids are done, he has returned to his exhausted, apathetic, and dis-engaged self. Today he was totally out of it and despite telling him what day it was and what we were doing, he was dazed and confused. I have all sorts of devices around him to cue him to the day, from electronic calendars to a white board with the day's schedule! None of it works, and don't get me started on this journal the speech therapist has us doing. I have maintained this journal since July! However, the one primarily writing in it is ME not my dad.
Meanwhile, tomorrow I am presenting in a National Cancer Institute webinar. I frankly don't know if I am coming or going and my hope is that I can find an hour to myself now to prep! Wish me luck.
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