Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2006. Mattie was four years old and was in preschool. Every Monday, Mattie's class went across the street to visit older adults in a nursing care facility. You can see Mattie sitting on the floor with an orange shirt. It wasn't easy walking the class across the way to the facility and then trying to host an activity so that the kids and older adults could interact with each other. This connection fascinated me, which was why I volunteered every Monday in Mattie's classroom to help the teachers escort the children to the nursing home as well as help execute whatever activity the teachers had planned. I am so glad I made the time to do this, as these young little bodies brought great joy and life to these seniors and I appreciated observing what they learned from each other.
Quote of the day: You’ll get over it.’ It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to? ~ Jeanette Winterson
I had an ophthalmology appointment this morning. This is not something I enjoy doing, but given that I have narrow angle glaucoma, I make sure to do my routine exams. My dad had his memory care program today, so I only had my mom in tow. I admit I do not like my eyes dilated, because it takes me a while to see normally again. Given that I am responsible for my mom and I was driving around, I felt extra cautious today.
Once I got back home, my dad was there, as Peter picked him up from the center. A former student of mine called me yesterday and she left me a detailed message saying that she needed to talk with me. My life is complicated now and returning phone calls isn't easy. But I did call her and spoke with her for about an hour. However, if anyone could see what I was doing while also juggling this phone call, one would laugh. Midway in my phone call, I could hear my dad's recliner moving (it operates on a remote control), meaning that he had to get up to go to the bathroom. I literally put the phone on mute, and I helped him to the bathroom, changed him, and picked up poop, all while on the phone. I would love a minute to myself, where I am not juggling needs and demands. It would be fantastic to just be able to focus on one thing at a time, but this isn't my life.
It is very easy to feel overwhelmed, upset, disgusted, and angry! Some days I can feel all these things at once. When my student (who is older than me) asked how I was managing my situation, my answer was.... one day at a time. Life has a way of bringing things upon you that you never asked for, you don't always get choices. The only thing you can control is your reaction to what is thrust upon you.
My student is dealing with health issues and also multiple losses. She shared what close friends said to her about her grieving process. One person went as far as to say, "you shouldn't cry. It serves no purpose. You just move on." You can imagine how I felt about this sentiment and given that I have heard a variation of this theme, I know exactly how to respond. Such trite comments are platitudes, delivered to make the giver feel better, with no real regard to how the recipient may take such heartless words. As I told my student today, words do and can indeed hurt. They remain with us and though there are no visual scars, there are emotional ones and yes the wrong words can sever relationships. Which is what has happened with her.
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