Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. Mattie was five years old and this was his very first roller coaster ride. We took Mattie to Dutch Wonderland in Pennsylvania and when I saw this ride, my initial reaction was OH NO! But Peter loves roller coasters and we asked Mattie if he wanted to try it! I was sure Mattie would say NO! But he surprised me. Typically Mattie had a healthy level of caution when it came to new experiences. But with this ride, he took to it like a duck to water. Not only did the first ride go well, they went on it multiple times during that visit. Ironically while I was worried about Mattie, I was watching a family on line for the ride having an argument with their son, who was a little kid. The son did not want to go on the ride and was scared. The parents were making fun of the child and insisted he had to go on the ride. How I did not throttle those parents that day, I have no idea. But nonetheless I did say something, as I don't think kids should be forced to do an activity they aren't ready for.
Quote of the day: Like tiny seeds with potent power to push through tough ground and become mighty trees, we hold innate reserves of unimaginable strength. We are resilient. ~ Catherine DeVrye
It was another early morning here! I have never been a morning person, but since my parents have moved in, I have yet to sleep past 7am. In fact, a 7am start would be sleeping in. I got my dad off to his memory care center and then I promised to take my mom to the mall and out to lunch. I can see that my mom truly doesn't feel secure walking without holding my hand. She manages at home, but if we are outside the house, she holds on. My mom has developed a very strange way of walking. It is hard to describe, but I notice when I am out in public, people stare at my mom. I guess I have gotten used to her posture, her frail and thin state, and her awkward gait, as she walks with her feet spread a part. Which I am sure is a result of her balance issues.
When my mom moved in with me, she was 90 pounds. She was extremely frail, hunched over, and her head was tipped to the left. She had no idea that she did not hold her head upright and even worse, NO ONE else told her! I had to confront the issue head on, as well as the issue regarding her weight. My dad's caregivers in Los Angeles told me my mom used to measure out only 1/4 cup of cereal to eat in the morning. Now that my mom is living with me, I portion out her food and she now eats at least two full meals a day. Thankfully she is gaining weight because being emaciated is problematic.
Peter is now home from Chicago and tonight is the FIRST night we are going out to dinner without my parents in tow. I made the decision that it has to happen and I can't have any guilt about this decision. I need the time to eat like a normal human being, without managing needs, problems and trips to the bathroom. I also welcome the opportunity to talk with Peter without constant interruptions. In fact, just like when Mattie had cancer, the primary way Peter and I communicate now is through text messages. Otherwise, we can't have a dialogue without commentary and distractions. I realize our current lifestyle requires some change, and this week I already made the choice to have my dad stay longer at the memory care center, I decided my parents can stay home while Peter and I have a moment to ourselves, and I am also considering other options in my head. But the point is, I am actively trying to make a change. Which I assure you is hard, given the circus show I balance at any given moment in the day.
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