Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. When this photo was taken, Mattie was only weeks away from dying. Mattie always wanted a ride-on vehicle and my parents made this happen for him! Amazing what kinds of things you will do when your child is dying! Whatever guided my decisions when Mattie was healthy, went out the window. Once Speedy Red was assembled, I was concerned Mattie wouldn't know how to drive this car! So you can see, I squeezed myself into this tiny car, and was Mattie's passenger, providing input and direction. But the beauty of Mattie was that he figured out how to drive right away. He took to it like a duck to water. Our commons area was the best place to drive Speedy Red, as it was completely fenced in and away from the street. Mattie absolutely LOVED driving and I will never forget these memories. My best moments in life were with him!
Quote of the day: What is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives. ~ Rupi Kaur
Tonight I am in a state! So much so, that after I served and cleaned up dinner, I went outside and walked a mile in circles IN THE DARK. I had to walk because I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My heart was pounding and my chest hurt. I am stressed out on every level. Dealing with bills, the house, my dad and his many health issues, my mom, the cat vomiting all over the place, cleaning up after my dad and intense heartache...... IT IS TOO MUCH!
If that wasn't enough, I have been enduring a year long house renovation next door to me. For the most part, I have tried to take a deep breath and be understanding. But then this GIGANTIC garage and second floor living addition was being erected. I went from having a very private backyard, where I was surrounded by trees to this!
If it gets any closer, it will be in my backyard. I am so frustrated as there is NOTHING I can do about this. I am just supposed to smile and be happy, THANK YOU TO THE HOA AND THE COUNTY!
My all season room used to be a beautiful space, surrounded by greenery. NOT anymore! Right now this behemoth is green, but just wait until it is painted white like the house. Every aspect of my life is sheer chaos, in which I have NO CONTROL over anything.
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