Monday, December 14, 2009Tonight's picture was taken in May 2008 on Roosevelt Island. You will notice Mattie is holding a stick, but if you look closely on the stick, you will see he is featuring a tent moth caterpillar. Mattie loved collecting tent moth caterpillars in the spring. We would put them (I am not kidding maybe 10 caterpillars in one jar!) in a jar, give them oak leaves to eat, clean their jar each day, and within a week to 10 days, we would see cocoons form. He waited patiently as the days went by for the cocoons to burst open to reveal the emergence of tent moths. Mattie loved watching metamorphosis occur, and it was always an exciting time when we took the lid off of the jar to release the moths into the air.
Poem of the day: Shooting Star by Rose
You are a shooting star in the midnight sky.
The glimmer of the whole sky, but only for a moment.
You dream, you think, you wait for the right time,
then you,a single star go into the night sky for the world to see.
As you travel across the sky, you leave the hint of your presence behind.
You are the shooting star in the eye of the world.
I spent the day with Mary, Ann's mom, at her assisted living facility. We chatted, I helped her with her meals, and I had the opportunity to interact with many of the staff who work at the facility. Over the last several months I have had the chance to get to know many of these folks quite well. One story from today that I would like to share with you involved the facility's activities director. She planned a holiday party for the residents last Friday. Today I told her what a nice job she did coordinating the party, and I told her that her efforts were evident and appreciated. She thanked me, and I moved along since I was with Mary. As I was heading home tonight, she stopped me, and gave me a huge hug. She told me that my comments and feedback were just what she needed to hear today. She had tears in her eyes as she thanked me. I have no doubt that this young lady does her job because she has the desire to help older adults and this is her motivation. She is clearly not doing it for the pay or recognition. Nonetheless, as human beings, we all need to hear positive feedback about ourselves. Without it, how would we know we are doing a good job and that others truly appreciate what we do? We could guess, we may even have an internal sense for what others feel, but in all reality, no one really knows how helpful the support or "good deed" is other than the intended recipient. My intention today was simple, I just wanted this young woman to know that I perceived that the party was lively, people were having fun, and that all her planning and preparation was worth it. I had no idea at the end of the day, she too was going to give me positive feedback. It just goes to show you that a smile and kindness are such powerful forces and can change a person's outlook about his/her entire day.
While sitting with Mary today, I was flipping through a magazine when she took a cat nap. I was reading a magazine article about volunteerism and its importance. The premise of the article was that people who volunteer regularly, an hour or two a week, tend to live longer, have lower rates of depression and recover more quickly from illness. In fact, States with high volunteerism have lower rates of mortality and incidences of heart disease. Doing good deeds protects overall health twice as much as aspirin protects against heart disease. This article caught my attention, because I do believe helping people, particularly Ann's parents, after Mattie's death played a crucial part in my mental health. It has been a hard transition from caring for a dying child to caring for nothing. Not that I replaced Mattie with Ann's parents, but helping them gave me some sort of purpose and meaning to my perceived directionless days and life. The power of helping others or volunteering in the community is actually therapeutic and as I was reading this magazine article, I found that I identified with it immensely.
Mattie's social worker from Georgetown University Hospital called me to let me know that Georgetown is starting a support group for parents who lost a child. I had requested this service, and I am happy that the social workers are trying to meet this need. It starts on Thursday. I have no idea what to expect, other than I am going to it. I am trying to stay open minded, because my last experience with a Georgetown Support Group wasn't great. No fault to the leaders of the group, Mattie's issues were just so profound as a cancer patient, that once other parents heard my story, they realized they did not have much to complain about. Naturally this was NOT my intention, nor should a support group make other attendees feel as if their issues weren't as important, but the gravity of Mattie's cancer was clear for all to see and hear.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Your courage astonishes me. To put yourself in a group of Mattie's friends is amazing. But what a lovely gift to be given in return; to know that Mattie is remembered as his friends prepare for the holidays. He is and always will be a part of their lives. I am glad you gave yourself permission to cry; to hold all that inside would do nothing more than create more barriers between you and those you care about. Tears are love made visible so never be ashamed of feeling you need to cry. I hold you gently in my thoughts as I go about this day."
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