Thursday, February 18, 2010

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tonight's picture features Mattie playing the drums with Sally, the story lady in the childlife playroom. Sally would visit the hospital each week and dress whatever part or theme she was covering that day. The theme, as can be seen in the picture, was African American story telling and music. Mattie always enjoyed his time with Sally, and I have to say so did I. Sally had amazing energy, and truly loved what she did, and also had a way of bringing subject matter to life, which is key for children. As you can see from the picture, Mattie was moving his arms, and playing the drums. There were times when I looked at Mattie and wondered if he ever had surgery on his arms. He was able to move this arms and hands quite well, and really his abilities far exceeded my expectations. There was no slowing Mattie down, and this happy moment in the childlife playroom, I believe captured his spirit quite well.

Poem of the day: From the Ashes of Grief by Lana Golembeski -

In the early morning fog of a spring day
The sunlight drifts slowly across the lake
Lifting the dark shadows of night.
The honking geese frolic in the early morning rays of sunshine
While the birds sing of promises yet to come.
Through the dark clouds of grief,
Slivers of sunlight filter down.
The pain and fear residing in my heart
Is starting to give way
To the hope of finding joy once again in my life.

The warmth of the sun flows through my body

And I now feel and see flickers of that joy.

It is but a fleeting moment in my thoughts.

But it fills me with the hope of perhaps

Finding peace once again.

The forever tears cleanse my heart and my pain.

They pave the way for love and laughter once again in my life.
My heart will forever be empty from the loss of my precious child.
But the sparkling sunlight spreads light around that hole in my heart.
Gentle healing is beginning; springing anew from the ashes of grief

The Caribbean Princess arrived this morning in Bonaire. We have never visited this island before, and therefore had no idea what to expect. Bonaire, translates into “good air.” Unlike Dominica and Grenada which are very mountainous, Bonaire is relatively flat and has a desert like appearance. We took a tour of the Island, and learned that Bonaire is still a territory of the Netherlands. Our guide explained to us that there is virtually NO crime on the island and no one ever locks the doors of their houses or cars. This gave me great pause, because I can’t even imagine what living with that level of safety and trust feels like. In the town square this afternoon, my mom and I met a New Yorker who now lives part time in Bonaire. She confirmed the fact that you never have to lock your doors. Can you imagine?

Bonaire was sighted in 1499, by a group of explorers led by Amerigo Vespucci. Like most Caribbean islands, tourism is the number one industry in Bonaire. In addition, Bonaire also produces salt. They flood low lying areas with sea water, let it evaporate (I assure you the sun is strong here, I have the burn to prove it!), and basically you are left with mounds of salt that can be seen all over the island. Cacti are all over the island as well, and it is a fascinating sight to see, because typically I associate the cactus with deserts. However, there is beautiful water everywhere, and still you observe plants you most definitely aren’t expecting to see. The water is an incredible blue color, and VERY clear, which is why Bonaire is known all over the world for its diving and snorkling.

Bonaire is known for their flamingos and donkeys. I have never seen flamingos freely roaming about in the wild! So this was a memorable sight to me. I learned a lot about the flamingo. You can tell the gender and the age of the flamingo in the following way. Male flamingoes have an “S” shaped neck, whereas female necks are straight. Flamingoes mate for life and produce only ONE egg per year. Both parents take turns sitting on the nest until the egg is hatched, and once hatched the baby flamingo is white. The white turns to gray, and eventually as the bird starts eating algae and shrimp, the feather color turns to pink. The older a flamingo is, the brighter the pink color. In fact, the color may almost be orange by adulthood.

We came across a school of donkeys on our tour. These donkeys are ancestors to the donkeys that came over on ships in the 1600s with the Spanish. Donkeys are protected animals on the island, and in fact there is a donkey sanctuary on the Island that provides for their care and protection.

Later in the day we had the opportunity to go shopping in town, and Peter snapped a picture of my mom and I. The whole town is very orderly, clean, and clearly you can see the economy appears to be a bit stronger than the other islands we have visited so far. We even saw housing prices, since we passed a real estate agency. Houses are not inexpensive on the island. We saw houses that ranged from $800,000 to over a million dollars. Our guide told us that education is imperative on the Island. Children begin going to school starting at age 4. Once children complete their secondary education, the government pays for them to go to either Curacao (another island possessed by the Netherlands) or to Holland for college. We also learned about their health care. Each resident has health care insurance through either their employer or the government. However, if you need surgery in Bonaire, you need to go to Curacao because there are NO surgeons living in Bonaire. I thought that was revealing, however, if you (the patient) land up going to Curacao the government pays for you and a friend or family member to fly to Curacao, as well as all your expenses.

Peter and I both had our teary moments today. Or I should say I had several. It is hard to experience the cruise without thinking about Mattie, and how he should be with us. Mattie would have loved the experience, and when I see other children aboard the ship, it is hard to understand why I am unable to have my son with me. As I have been shopping on this vacation, I have had at least three people comment on my glass beaded bracelet, the bracelet that Mattie made me. In fact, one woman yesterday on the cruise wanted to know where she could get a bracelet like it. I told her my son made it, and then stopped at that. She told me my son had good taste. Don’t I know it! Each night at dinner, we all cheer our glasses to Mattie. So his presence is definitely thought about each day.

The ship is departing Bonaire, and we are on our way to Aruba tonight. Aruba is our last island stop. We have a day at sea on Saturday, and then fly home from San Juan, Puerto Rico on Sunday. It will be hard to come home for various reasons. One, I will miss the weather greatly and second, I realize I need more time away from my usual surroundings, which can be intense and at times very depressing.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "What a wonderful trip; like you I just wish you could have taken it as a family with Mattie along to appreciate all of it. I do think somehow that he is with you, watching it all through your eyes and enjoying all the things that would have fascinated him were he here with you physically. I am really enjoying all your stories and pictures; I am vicariously exploring the islands with you and enjoying learning all about them. I was especially fascinated by the information about nutmeg and other spices. I thought it all was absolutely amazing and really interesting. I know that along with all of your faithful blog readers you have another companion—grief and I realize that its presence is frequently overwhelming but I do think you are doing amazingly well. Just go with it, be kind to yourself and to each other (you and Peter). Today’s practice was very challenging for me; I made progress in one area but had to take a step back in another, so it is with our lives, sometimes moving forward in one way, means giving way in another so don’t push yourself too hard. I hold you gently in my thoughts."