Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010 -- Mattie died 23 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture features Mattie in the hallway of the PICU. In the background is Linda (Mattie's childlife specialist) and Jenny (Mattie's art therapist). In order to motivate Mattie to walk, Jenny and Jessie (Mattie's art therapists) designed a clever and yet gross incentive system for him to track his walking progress. If you look closely at this colorful box, you will see a gigantic model magic cockroach! With each lap Mattie took, the roach would move one space on this board until the roach ultimately moved through the tube like system to reach the end, which was signified by a cup with wood cedar chips in it for the roach to fall into. It was completely gross, and Mattie LOVED IT! Naturally I still have this box, not because I like the roach, but I like what this box signifies and how much it meant to Mattie. In the picture you can see Mattie holding a plunger, which was used to send the roach through the tube to get to the finishing cup. Mattie was also wearing his zoo pajamas in this picture. Mattie loved his pajamas and insisted on wearing them in the hospital, rather than clothes. However, this particular pajama set was the set he was wearing on the day he died. In fact, the nurses had to cut the pajama set to get it off his body so I could keep it. Needless to say, I have this set, and it will never be washed.

Poem of the day: There You'll Be by Debbie Tsotaddle

You’re on every corner, turn and twist.
Every old familiar spot whispers how your missed
In our dreams we can see you soar above the sky
A free bird at last with so many left behind
When reminiscing of you, on our face a smile shall appear
Ever reminding us that in our hearts and memories you are still near
We were blessed to have you in our lives
And will always feel sorrow for the dreams you left behind
A part of you will always remain in the hearts of we
Always reminding us that where ever we are….There you’ll be.


We arrived in Dominica this morning. Dominica (pronounced Dom-min-knee-ka) was first named by Christopher Columbus, who sailed by the island on November 3, 1493. He christened it Dominica in recognition of the Lord’s day and continued north without making landfall. The French and the British sparred for control of the island for 200 years, and in 1978, the island gained its independence. Our tour guide this morning was a live wire. She was chatty, humorous, but also knowledgeable. She made the four hour excursion interesting. We learned a lot about Dominica. Like most Caribbean Islands, its primary industry is tourism, and it exports things like bananas, mangoes, and avocadoes. In fact, she referred to bananas as “green gold.” There is a great deal of poverty on Dominica, and though approximately 20,000 people live on the island it is NOT built up at all. In fact, the government protects over 60% of the land, so it can never be built upon. Our guide said however, that the beauty of Dominica is that NO one goes hungry. The Island can sustain all its residents by its own vegetation, which is truly a remarkable statement. The way I would describe the island is mountainous and filled with rainforests and natural falls. I have attached some pictures for you to see some of the sights we saw today! I particularly loved the poinsettia tree!!!


Left: Vicki and her parents in front of Layou River. The longest river on the Island, 11 miles long.
Right: Vicki and her mom, as they head down to see Jaco Falls, one of the islands accessible natural water falls.

 

Left: Peter in front of Jaco Falls.

Right: A beautiful Poinsettia tree on Dominica.

What stuck me about our tour guide was her incredible knowledge of herbs and plants that are used for medicinal purposes on the Island. In fact, she could list just about any plant or herb on the Island that could be used for various illnesses, everything from arthritis to blood diseases. She swore by castor oil and how it reduces fevers instantly. I don’t know, but she was so convincing you almost wanted to try her remedies. In addition to her understanding of her environment around her, she also took great pride in her culture and her country. She knew just about every fact regarding Dominica, which made her engaging to listen to. We passed one of the hospitals on Dominica and all I can say is it gave me great appreciation for access to quality healthcare we have in the US. She went on to tell us that 20 or more people share a hospital room at one time. I couldn’t even imagine that, especially if dealing with a life threatening illness.

Dominica was celebrating Mardi gras today. Everyone was on holiday and there was singing and dancing in most of the streets. Our guide had quite a perspective on life. She says that the Island folks believe that you can do whatever you want during Mardi gras, and that tomorrow (the beginning of lent, Ash Wednesday) you go to church and ask God for forgiveness. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this statement, because it goes against how I normally live my life.

Peter and I had many Mattie moments today. In fact, when we embarked the ship this afternoon, we were waiting by the elevator to get to our room. While waiting, there was a little boy with his parents. This little fellow was telling one of the Princess crew members about his adventures on the island. I wasn’t expecting to see this young boy, and I was caught off guard. The moment quickly passed, since we boarded the elevator, but for that moment in time, I felt great sadness and was about to cry. We did some shopping right by the pier today, and while walking passed the vendors, I noticed wooden toy cars, toy lizards, and other things that would have captured Mattie’s attention. It is very hard to see these items and know they are not part of my life, nor do I have someone to buy them for. The final thing today that stopped us in our tracks was a song they were playing out of the deck of the ship. It was “who let the dogs out!” Peter and I both looked at each other, because when Mattie was a baby, Peter would sing this line to Mattie to capture his attention. All of these things that stopped us in our track today, seemed fitting, as today is yet another TUESDAY, or the 23rd week marking Mattie’s death.

Peter and I are trying to enjoy our surroundings and this wonderful opportunity. But it is difficult! There are times when we feel nothing can bring us happiness, and during these times, even on a special cruise, things look completely bleak. Tonight we are sailing to Grenada. Grenada is known as the “spice island.” Thank you for checking in with us, reading the blog, and of course writing to us.

I end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I am glad the cruise is proceeding well. Your picture of the chickens reminded me of the picture of the duck and babies that you posted some time ago. One thought seems to bring on a host of others; since it happens to me when I read your blog or sometimes when I see something I know would have interested Mattie, I know you must be overwhelmed by this constantly. I think you are doing very well, balancing time alone and social time; doing things and taking time to reflect/grieve. Good for you for being assertive and getting what you need; so often we don’t want to seem pushy and so we don’t do what we need to for ourselves. Today’s practice was all about alternating and combining strength and balance, sometimes this is very difficult to do in life, we push too hard or not enough. I hope you find that “sweet spot” that is just enough of everything to be a satisfying challenge but not overwhelming. I hold you gently in my thoughts."