Tonight's picture was classic Mattie. This was our Christmas card cover in 2003! Mattie was a year and a half, and a walking terror. Mattie was a late walker, 16 months, so by Christmas time he was practically running around. The idea of asking him to stop moving and pose for a Christmas picture was absurd. Believe me, Peter and I tried for about three weekends. Then one weekend, I gave up. We brought Mattie to Lowe's, I strapped him into a shopping cart, wheeled him by the poinsettias, and I told Peter to start snapping pictures. Meanwhile, I was in the background trying to get Mattie's attention and desperately trying to get him to smile. Needless to say, we got a lot of attention or I should say STARES at Lowe's that day! So you may see a one year old cutie in a cart smiling, all dressed in red, but I thought you would like to know the truth behind the picture!
Quote of the day: Death ends a life, but death does not end a relationship. If we allow ourselves to be still, and if we take responsibility for our grief, the grief becomes as polished and luminous and mysterious as death itself. When it does, we learn to love anew, not only the one who has died. We learn to love anew those who yet live. ~ Julius Lester
Hello everyone, it is Peter writing tonight. Vicki was flying back to DC today (she has arrived safely!), so she asked that I write tonight's blog. Vicki will return tomorrow, so not to worry.
Vicki did pick out this picture ahead of time, and I remember the day this shot (along with 140 other shots) was taken. As Vicki said, we were quite the sight, running around Lowes in front of the Christmas displays, trying desperately to get a half-decent shot of Mattie under the glow of the mercury vapor lights suspended 75 feet above us (not a good lighting source for picture taking by the way). What Vicki did not mention was that we had also gone to Target and Home Depot before arriving at Lowes in an effort to take shots. I'm not quite sure what we were thinking, but clearly having a 16 month old had turned our brains to mush. It's funny what brings a smile to my face these days.
I really do not have much to say right now, but I did want to share three experiences that happened to me recently, where I had a great personal connection and that which happened completely unexpectedly.
We have a very good friend and former neighbor Malcolm, call me tonight, to offer a substantial number of frequent flyer miles and free hotel stays as donations for the May walk. Malcolm told me a story that at a certain time in his life, when he was having a very hard time, he used to look outside and see myself, Vicki and Mattie enjoying ourselves as a family, loving each other, and he said when he saw this his spirits were renewed and he found the strength to go on. I am not doing Malcolm's words justice, but hopefully you get the point. Malcolm said that Mattie provided him then, and still provides him today with strength, which Malcolm said is a truly awesome legacy.
I have a friend Steve M., who owns his own printing business (he can print just about anything on any kind of item), who out of the blue sent me a note saying he had printed Vicki and I another set of business cards for the foundation, and that he was ready to support us and our Board with any needs. Again, another random act of kindness. Steve was the same guy who printed and donated all the shirts for our walk last year. Here is a small business owner offering to do whatever he can to help the foundation and the cause.
I also received an email from Paul P., who is the father of a girl who was in Mattie's preschool class at Resurrection Children's Center, and who is another avid blog read. Paul has had losses in his life, and has always been supportive of us. Soon after Mattie's death, Paul sent Vicki and I two pedometers, telling us that walking helped him when he had lost a family member, and hoped that it could in some way help us too. Well, we still use these pedometers today. Paul asked me out to lunch via the email, so we are having lunch next week to catch up on things.
So, although these interactions may seem mundane to some, to me they were invaluable lifelines reminding me that I am still alive, still feeling and still somehow connected to this existence. Mattie's death and my subsequent depression has left me devoid of most feeling, numb to most emotions other than pure grief. It has also affected my ability to connect with people, with my world and with a life that I no longer recognize as it no long has my son in it. However, these three personal connections made me feel again, and feel connected to someone who was trying to do something nice for me, and for us. So to Malcolm, Steve and Paul, I thank you.
And to all of you who come here to read the blog, be that each day, or week or even just every once in a while, I thank you for connecting with us, as it is truly a wonderful gift to reconnect with the world and something that helps to keep us going.
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