Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Five months before Mattie died. At that particular point in time, we were excited that chemotherapy was almost complete and we had this delusional notion that we were going to work on rehabilitating Mattie and develop some sort of semblance of normalcy in our lives. That of course never happened. In fact, this is NOT the picture I wanted to post tonight. I was desperately looking for the picture of us with Mattie at Nationals Baseball Stadium from the Spring of 2009. Peter and I went to the ball park today, this picture from 2009 has been in my mind all day. However, I can't seem to find it. In fact, as we entered the park today, all I could think of was Mattie. Not because Mattie loved baseball or even the park, but because I remember taking him to the stadium when he was wheelchair bound and with a bald head. I distinctly remember all the stares and basically how rude people were to him. This feeling of disgust remains with me today, so much so, that as Peter and I were walking into the park, I vividly recalled our visit with Mattie. The picture I posted tonight was taken blocks from where we live. Mattie always loved this fountain, mainly because the amount of water shooting up in the air is impressive. Naturally whenever we pass this fountain, we think of Mattie. Of course we don't need the fountain or the ball park to do this, it is our usual state of consciousness.

Quote of the day: Mourning is not a sickness or weakness, mourning is strength. ~ anonymous

To the average person reading tonight's blog, I am sure you are looking at this picture of Peter and think it looks innocuous! After all he looks happy standing in front of the empty stadium. But this picture is like returning to the scene of the crime for me. The day we took Mattie to the stadium in the Spring of 2009, I took a picture of him and Peter in this exact location, and with the same content.... an empty ballpark. I snapped today's picture in the same location and with the same subject matter. I am not sure why, but I felt compelled to do so! Unlike when we were with Mattie, today, NO ONE was staring at us and everyone around us just accepted us. It may not seem like I am saying much, but I am actually making a PROFOUND statement and observation.

I must admit I am married to someone who loves baseball and is OBSESSED with the Boston Red Sox. I unfortunately have neither interest. However, our friends gave us amazing tickets today to the stadium to see the Nats versus the Mets. I took a picture of Peter right by our seats, behind home plate. Despite the incredible and intense heat, I did enjoy the game. I enjoyed it because of where these seats were located. Being right behind home plate made me feel as if I were part of the game. I wasn't distracted by all the extraneous other nonsense around me. So Peter was thrilled because I was actually able to be engaged in something he likes so much. I am grateful to our friends for giving us these tickets, for introducing me to a whole new way of seeing a ballgame, and for the weekend diversion. Sometimes weekends are hard for us, but this was a great escape and I loved the people watching component!

The Presidents Race is a promotional event held at every Washington Nationals home game at Nationals Park during the fourth inning. The Presidents' Race features four former Presidents of the United States, namely those found on Mount Rushmore: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, and Theodore Roosevelt; their nicknames per the race graphics are George, Abe, Tom, and Teddy. The Presidents are dressed in period costumes and topped with giant foam caricature heads. Occasionally, they are dressed in Nationals jerseys with the number on the jersey reflecting what number president they were (1 for George, 3 for Tom, 16 for Abe, and 26 for Teddy). Teddy has notoriously never won a single race as of yet.

At today's game, Abe Lincoln Won The Race! This race gets me every time, and I just want to get down on the field and drag Teddy Roosevelt across the finish line! I suppose it is human nature that we all want to cheer and coax the underdog!

This afternoon, I went to visit Ann's mom, Mary. Mary and I have spent a great deal of time together this summer, but now that Ann is back in town, my visits will become less frequent again. Naturally as soon as Mary saw me today, she began laughing and we started talking about her wedding again. In a way, I am sorry that I will not be able to see how this story plays out but I am so happy she had these few days of side splitting laughter and in a way, that we had the time to create a story together. One she may or may not remember, but one in which I will.