Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2008. There was a lot going on in this picture. Mattie's cousins, aunt, and uncle came to visit him in the hospital. Instead of all of us being couped up in a tiny room, Miki, Mattie's amazing HEM/ONC nurse allowed us to go outside. Which was three floors down from the pediatric unit. Though Miki was working in the unit, she would periodically come outside to check on Mattie and his IV fluids. These are the types of nurses Mattie had. They are all angels, and understood how difficult it was for an active six year old to battle cancer.  A cancer which we all knew was aggressive and would have profound ramifications on all of us (Mattie, Peter and I, and all of Mattie's close care providers). Miki appreciated Mattie, his creativity, and his intelligence. But she also appreciated Peter and I and told me on many occasions how she admired our family cohesiveness.... and believe me cancer can test even the best of relationships. This photo captures a happy moment in the hospital, and at the time we couldn't have possibly imagined how much worse things were going to get.

Quote of the day: There is always music amongst the trees in the garden, but our hearts must be very quiet to hear it. ~ Minnie Aumonier

Tonight's quote speaks to me. It is meaningful especially since Peter and I went to Mattie's school today to visit his oak tree. This tree was planted in May of 2010 by Mattie's class in honor of their missing classmate. Last year, we placed a  beautiful sounding wind chime on Mattie's tree. So in a quiet and windy moment, you can definitely hear "music amongst" this tree's branches!

Last Christmas, I went out of town and I forgot to hang an ornament on Mattie's tree. I felt badly about that. However, Erica, a Mattie Miracle supporter and mom I met through Mattie's preschool, saved the day. While I was in California, Erica emailed me a picture of a butterfly ornament she had placed on her tree. She wanted me to know that she purposefully bought and put a butterfly ornament on her tree to remember Mattie. I happened to tell her that I loved her butterfly and that I forgot to put an ornament on Mattie's tree. Next thing I knew, Erica mobilized forces, drove to Ann's house and delivered another butterfly ornament, so that Mattie would be remembered at Christmas time on his tree. Ann then went to campus and placed the butterfly on Mattie's tree for us. It is amazing that a year later the butterfly is still on the tree and looking beautiful. 

I went out this week and purchased ornaments for Mattie's tree. Peter got on a ladder today and placed two of the bigger ornaments closer to the top of the tree. If you look closely at this picture, you will see a Red Poinsettia ornament on the left hand side of this picture, almost at the 9 o'clock position and a lovely Gold Star ornament at almost the 3 o'clock position. In 2010, Mattie's tree was about my height, but in a year's time, it has almost doubled in size!

If you look closely between the beautiful red leaves, you will see the Butterfly ornament that Erica gave us. The butterfly is gold and red, and has purple spots. It still is shining on the tree!

What I love about this picture is it captures both the cello-wrap butterflies I created for Mattie's tree in September (for the second anniversary of his death) and the red pine cone ornaments we hung today in honor of Christmas. It is a rather sad reality that while others are getting ready for Christmas break, going shopping for their children, and decorating for Christmas, Peter and I are placing ornaments on a memorial tree for a child who is no longer with us. While others are living in the present, we are living in the past.

Mattie's tree is a twinkling tree! It shimmers and shines in the light. It glitters when the sun shines onto the wind chime, the cello-wrap butterflies, and now the ornaments. It sparkles, just like Mattie sparkled. But the question is how many people will notice these new additions? I am sure for many who did not know Mattie, this appears to be just an oak tree on campus. But honestly if you approach this tree with a quiet heart there is no telling what you will hear and see.