Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday, December 7, 2012

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2007. There is nothing wrong with your eyes. The photo is blurry. I posted it because I wanted you to see what I entitle the "impish" side of Mattie. Before I snapped this photo Mattie had an absolute melt down about something (this is a pre-cancer picture). He was crying and hysterical. I learned early on with Mattie that when he was having a moment, I had to remain calm. If I reacted by screaming or getting irritated it only made matters worse. Mattie was a late talker and tantrums were a big issue for us. Mattie could have about five or six major ones in any given day. The kind of tantrum where he would stop walking in the middle of a shopping mall and just make a scene (which maybe one reason I am not wild about malls either anymore). Raising Mattie was very insightful for me on so many levels, even before cancer entered our lives. Any case, tonight's photo was taken after the tirade. I did this on occasion because I wanted him to later see what he looked like. The impish face to me says it all. What it said was he was sorry but also had to laugh because when he could see what he looked it, his behavior made no sense to him. Mattie and I are both emotional beasts, so I understood his tirades very well. We got each other, but we were also good at being checks and balances for one another.


Quote of the day: There was a roaring in my ears and I lost track of what they were saying. I believe it was the physical manifestation of unbearable grief. ~ Barbara Kingsolver


I am most definitely happy that my test turned out well this week, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that I still have symptoms that bring about pain. One of my doctors called our home last night and now has me on antibiotics. I wish I could say they are helping, but so far the issues are still present. Naturally when one part of my body aches, it seems to impact my head. I have had an intense headache now for two weeks straight. That alone is debilitating. Yet through all of this I plugged along today. My mom and a good friend have told me to stop moving and rest. It is good advice and I hope to take it this weekend. I physically feel worn out and drained and that isn't a good sign for me. Times like this impact my writing, so I am signing off for today. Until tomorrow.