Friday, January 25, 2013Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and very full of life. For my faithful readers, I bet you know exactly who Mattie was smiling at in this photo! This fact really did not register with me until Peter pointed it out years ago. Mattie apparently always beamed when looking at me.
Quote of the day: It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change. ~ Charles Darwin
My dad sent me tonight's quote. Darwin was very insightful about what it takes to survive in this world. Certainly strength and intelligence helps, but when you think about all that life can throw at you, in the end being adaptable is key. I look at Darwin's quote in the context of Mattie's battle with cancer and death. My biggest joke is I have four degrees and all these diplomas which signify some sort of intelligence in our society couldn't help Mattie in the least! As for strength, I am not physically strong, but I am a force nonetheless. If I sense a wrong or someone who needs an advocate, watch out, because I can be relentless. I do not discount that these skills helped with Mattie's care, but they couldn't save Mattie, nor can they help me in, out, and through grief. Having the skill to adapt to change, or in our case, one of the hardest changes a parent will ever have to face..... the death of a child is vital for survival. It is hard to make sense of our world now without Mattie and the only thing I can say about time is that it doesn't heal all wounds, but it forces us to live day to day and thereby find a reason, purpose, and will to live. Some days it is easier to adapt and cope and other days even three years later, I want to retreat from the world.
I had the opportunity to visit with my friend Charlie today. Charlie is a former student of mine and in fact she was in one of the first cohorts that I taught after obtaining my doctorate degree. This seems like a lifetime ago! Over time Charlie and I became friends and she was very supportive of us while Mattie battled cancer. She wrote to me every day with supportive messages and reflections! Charlie also wrote to me every day for an entire year after Mattie's death. We remain in contact weekly now and when I heard she fell and landed up in the hospital I felt saddened by this news. I was happy that I could reconnect with Charlie today, see her progress, and meet her two adorable cats! Like Patches, Charlie has a cat that stays close to her and is a wonderful companion to her while she is recovering. The beauty of a cat!
Later in the day, I visited my friend Mary in her assisted living facility. I had something to drop off to her, and decided to stay and visit for a bit. Mary's caregiver was with her, so Shayla and I chatted and Mary listened. I recounted to Shayla the night that Mary's husband died. Mary, though mute, was glued to my every word and was taking it all in. As Mary was watching me, it reminded me of the way Mattie used to get wide eyed as I retold the story of his birth. Mattie loved hearing my rendition of this story, and though no words were spoken by Mary today, it was clear by looking at her eyes that hearing about her husband and the connection they had together meant something to her. For you see Mary's husband did not die until she held and kissed his hand. Then literally 15 minutes later, he died. It was a powerful and emotional moment which I will always remember.
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