Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2006. That day we took Mattie to Scott's Run. A park in Virginia where Mattie loved the nature trails and particularly loved the streams that we had to traverse to remain on the paths. This was one of Mattie's favorite ways to commute.... on Peter's back! Mattie would walk for a period of time, but like clock work, as we were getting closer to the end of a trail Mattie always wanted a piggy back ride.
Quote of the day: Friendship is born at the moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' ~ CS Lewis
In March of 2011, I met my friend Annie. We met each other while advocating on Capitol Hill for childhood cancer. After we attended a conference and training, we were then put into a smaller group which visited the Hill and met with staffers from the State of Virginia. Despite being part of this group of 20, Annie and I understood each other right away. After that first encounter we have remained connected ever since. Annie doesn't live in Washington, DC, so whenever she is in town (like today) we try to see each other. What Annie and I have in common, is that we both lost a child to cancer. Annie's daughter, Eloise, died 8 months after Mattie.
Making friends is a skill we have to learn early on in life. Most likely from the day we enter our first playgroup or nursery school experience. As we become older, and enter adulthood, establishing friendships can become harder or more complicated. Mainly because by this point in life, many of our thoughts, priorities, experiences, and preferences are SET. We tend to gravitate to those most like us. However, losing a child to cancer is not only a devastating thing to survive as an individual and a couple, it also is a disease that can destroy friendships. I know I no longer share in the same day to day activities as my friends and our priorities are NOW different. Not different by choice, but by circumstances. Yet at the end regardless of the cause, the result is the same..... strained or non-existent relationships. After Mattie's death, and as time continues to march forward, it gets harder and harder for me to feel emotionally connected with people. Which is why having a friend like Annie can help to normalize a very abnormal situation. We chat about our thoughts, experiences, and reactions to our losses. As CS Lewis' quote points out, it is nice to know I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!!
Today Washington, DC was transformed once again in fear. Though we do not live near the Washington Navy Yard, we are close enough. With news reports coming out by the second, with different stories, different information, and hearing about shooters with military force weapons, the whole thing was daunting. My heart goes out to the 13 families whose lives have been permanently changed today. Twelve of these people (minus the assailant) woke up today thinking they were going to work, that it was going to be another ordinary day. If you aren't safe on a military base, where on earth are you then safe?! It makes you question the reality of this situation. As I was walking through my neighborhood today, everyone was talking about the shooting and questioning and discussing what kind of incident was this? Was it terrorism? Was it workplace violence with a disgruntled employee, or what?!!! We are a society that NEEDS to understand the motive, we need to understand why this happened!!!! We need all this information to gain control over a VERY uncontrollable situation. Whatever the explanation or cause of this terrorist type behavior, the end result is that it produced FEAR and many tragic deaths. Whether it is a life threatening illness or a tragedy such as today's, it makes you PAUSE and realize that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Later this afternoon, I headed to donate all 30 bags of items from Mattie's room. I may have been sorting and loading up bags yesterday but Peter carried each and every one of these bags down to the car for me last night. He made it much easier for me today. The irony of all of this is I thought packing up Mattie's items would be hard. Not that it was easy, but that wasn't the hard part. The hard part is what remains. Last night and today, I have walked into Mattie's room, and the whole tone of the room is beginning to change. It is beginning to look well..... NOT like Mattie's room. It is hard to change this room around, because in a way his things are a reminder that this was Mattie's space. Almost that he was still PHYSICALLY part of our lives. It is now becoming a new space. I am trying to focus on the fact that it will be a space that will be usable but still a space that acknowledges Mattie's presence in our lives. But right now, going into the room is more disturbing than I could have imagined. More disturbing than when all of Mattie's items were still in there.
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