Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2002. Mattie was five months old and was sitting in one of his favorite vehicles, "totwheels." Mattie wasn't interested in any other form of locomotion, he despised tummy time, and sitting still. So this modern day take on a walker was our saving grace. Mattie used to follow me all over the place in totwheels and WOW could he zoom around and navigate corners.
Quote of the day: Sometimes you don't need a goal in life, you don't need to know the big picture. you just need to know what you're going to do next! ~ Sophie Kinsella
Today we continued the process of cleaning out Mattie's room. As my faithful readers know, we started this nightmare of a process last weekend. As I reflect on our home, I can recall that we have done multiple clean ups since Mattie died. We had to because literally with the amount of things we accumulated while Mattie was battling cancer, there practically was NOT enough space for us to live. By the time Mattie died, we were living in piles of things, with boxes and boxes of gifts and toys everywhere, along with medical equipment! I swear our home looked like something out of an episode of Hoarders. Keep in mind that I am a very organized person but despite that each day that Mattie was sick he received MANY items from friends, family, and the hospital. Imagine things coming into your home 365 days a year but being unable to process any of it! That was what our life was like for 15 months. We rarely saw our home for over a year. I know I did not begin to sort through any of these new items until 16 months or longer after Mattie died. I neither had the energy or the desire to touch anything.
Over time we began to donate all the new items Mattie received during his battle. Some of the unopened items actually went right back to the hospital. When I say we had boxes everywhere, that is what I mean. This isn't an exaggeration, in every room and on both of our levels. So despite cleaning out some of his things over the years, Mattie's room has been preserved as he left it for four years. Almost as if I was expecting him to walk back into our lives, and if so, I would want his room to be exactly as he left it. So he would know were everything was. In so many ways, Mattie's room was like the land that time forgot, except the land now has LOTs of Foundation items and boxes. Meaning the room was getting that warehouse look that drives me crazy. What set me off about this also was that I feel Mattie's special items were buried away and not being displayed properly. So I keep telling myself that the digging out and donation process is necessary in order to transform Mattie's room into a usable space that highlights Mattie's life. I already know what color I want the room to be and I also know that the room will have all the symbols that remind me of Mattie...... moon, sun, and butterflies. I have already begun collecting items that will fit into this new Mattie space.
If I said that going through these items now, knowing they are being donated, and will no longer be a part of Mattie's room was easy, I would be lying. It is a difficult emotional and labor intensive process. Last week we donated 30 bags of toys and books. Today we accumulated another 15 bags for donation. I wish I could say we were done, but I am not. One of my friends asked me how on earth 45 garbage bags full of items could fit in Mattie's room?! My response is..... easily, especially if you know how to use every possible inch of space for storage. One of my fortes! Mattie collected hot wheels cars and today we went through hundreds of cars. We saved the most meaningful and collectible ones and the rest are either being donated or saved to hang on Mattie's memorial tree.
In and amongst the items I was digging through today, I came across this kindergarten class photo. Mattie's teacher sent copies of this photo home with each of the children, in October of 2008, to show us how much the children LOVED the classroom's big pumpkin. As you can see here, Mattie was sitting right near the pumpkin. I remember Mattie talking to me about this pumpkin, it made that kind of impression on him. This afternoon, I emailed this memento to many of the moms whose children are in this photograph. I wasn't sure they kept the photo, but figured they would enjoy seeing their children when they were in kindergarten. Now almost six years later, they have grown and matured. But for me, this is how I will always remember Mattie. Not at age 11 (as he would be today), but at age 5 (as he was pictured in this photo). 
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