Sunday, September 9, 2018

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. Mattie was a month into treatment and had already lost his hair. Thankfully for the most part, Mattie wasn't upset about losing his hair. But in the grand scheme of all that he endured, losing his hair was probably the easiest thing he faced. As you can see, Mattie was BUSY!!! He made a tower out of his markers and for the most part, whether Mattie was receiving chemo or dealing with the side effects of chemo, he remained busy. Mattie rarely slept or rested and therefore neither did we.  I would say we lived on little (2-3 hours a night) to no sleep for over a year. 


Quote of the day: This is the true joy in life — being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~ George Bernard Shaw

After a full day yesterday, which wasn't only physically exhausting but mentally and emotionally, Peter and I prepared a lovely lunch for our niece and nephew. Sydney and Will were visiting from Boston, as Will is a senior in high school this year and wanted to see several colleges in the DC area. 

This was our officially first meal with others on our new dining room set (well not so new, since we bought it from our neighbors who moved back to Ireland). It was a true pleasure to set this table and eat at it. It just feels right, unlike the table and chairs we have been using for years. 

We even made a homemade blueberry pie. It was super easy and delicious!! Served with vanilla bean ice cream..... a Mattie approved choice!

Indie, our cat, hid for the entire visit. But Sunny.... loved the attention. 

Before they left, I captured this photo. I think photo documentation is important for all occasions. 


Given that yesterday was the anniversary of Mattie's death, it was hard not to reflect on our reality today. My nephew Will, is close in age to Mattie. They were about 18 months apart. Yet as this photo so vividly shows.... Mattie will be forever 7.

Over lunch the kids were talking about their dad and some of the things he is famous for saying around the house. In fact they have a whole list of dad 'isms.' I did not need to tap into Peter's head, because I immediately understood how this conversation was affecting him. I think when you lose a child to cancer, you live in two worlds. The world impacted by death and the world around us unaffected by child loss. It is a fine line to walk, almost like a trapeze artist in a way. You get good at perfecting the art of balancing these worlds but I would be lying if I did not admit there are still times where we feel like we are slipping from the guide wire.