Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. Mattie was riding around on Speedy Red in our commons area. As you can see JJ, our resident Jack Russell Terrier, was checking out the process. Mattie and JJ were good buddies. When I look back at this commons space, I just don't see concrete. I see a space where Mattie learned to walk, ride his bike, fly a kite, and drive Speedy Red. It was also a space I walked constantly with Mattie when he was a baby and I was trying to get him to fall asleep in his stroller.
Quote of the day: Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. ~ Roger A. Caras
This is truly hard for me to grasp, because Sunny is the best dog. Loving, loyal, obedient, and well behaved. Prior to seeing Sunny's photo on Facebook, I had contacted several different rescue groups and applied to be a pet parent. I was turned down by all of them because at the time we lived in the city. Shocking as this may sound! One would think that a rescue organization would be more interested in finding a loving home and pet parents, rather than summarily deny an application because of where the applicant lived.
I was about to give up on adopting a dog, when a friend (who also died of cancer) posted this photo of Sunny on my Facebook page. As soon as I saw the photo, I fell in love with Sunny's face. I immediately contacted City Dogs and they took me seriously. I completed an application, an interview and even had a home inspection. I grew up with a dog, as did Peter. But we never raised one as adults. This was an exciting and scary notion at the same time. But I felt we needed the life, energy, and love that only a dog can provide. Thankfully I followed my gut instinct.
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This photo was taken in 2017, when Sunny and I completed training and Sunny passed the Good Citizenship test. It was a happy day for both of us. My hope was to continue with training and to do pet therapy with Sunny. But unfortunately life got in the way.
The one issue I have with non-stop caregiving is that it sucks up every hour and any amount of energy I have. In all reality these are my productive years, where I should be accomplishing more, and yet I can't. This is deeply frustrating for me and I can only hope that later in life I don't regret the things I could have perhaps done but didn't. All I know is there is only one of me and I am being pulled in multiple directions.
Today we learned that Sunny's cancer is growing (in adrenals, bladder, and spleen). Sunny has been off of chemotherapy for two months. We stopped to give Sunny a break, because he couldn't hold down food, had bouts of diarrhea and also needed antibiotics for a urinary tract infection. So far we have treated one infection after the other and we can't seem to eliminate Sunny's infections. I say infections because each urine culture reveals yet another type of bacteria infection. Therefore Sunny has been on antibiotics for months. The vet was hoping we could solve the infections before continuing with chemotherapy. Now we all realize this isn't possible.
So tonight we administered a new oral chemo med, Chlorambucil, to Sunny. It is my hope that he tolerates it, as he did not do well on Palladia. Sunny is now 60 pounds. Since his diagnosis he has lost 10 pounds. Every vet would tell me when Sunny was well that he was overweight. All I can say is thankfully he had some weight on him, otherwise he would look emaciated.
Sunny is loved and I miss my one on one time with him, which I used to have. Now I am juggling so many needs, I can't focus on Sunny effectively. Which of course makes me sad. But in my perspective Sunny is happy and has a lot of life still in him, so I am going with that and following his lead.
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