Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. It was grandparents day at Mattie's elementary school and my parents flew in from Los Angeles to attend the event. Since I wanted to participate, I decided to volunteer. I am SO GLAD I did, because otherwise, I would never have these memories. After I served coffee all morning under a tent to many grandparents (which I actually found fun, and several school admin were surprised by my efficiency with serving and interfacing with grandparents..... on an aside, I am not sure what that says about their previous opinion of me), I got to take my parents into Mattie's classroom to see some of his class work. My mom took this photo of Mattie and I while he was showing us his work at the easel. Mattie was very proud of his work and was eager to show us around his classroom.
Quote of the day: When someone tells you that you have done something that has hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t. ~ Karon Waddell
This morning, I was juggling my usual chaos. On top of which I did multiple loads of laundry, as I changed my parent's linens on their bed. This is truly a labor, since they have 15 pillows on their bed. While cleaning up breakfast dishes and doing other chores, I could hear my mom making a phone call. She wanted to call one of our cousins who is in her 90s! Our cousin did not pick up the phone and it instead when into voicemail. My mom started the message by saying..... 'HAPPY EASTER!' I literally shouted out, 'you mean HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY' (for next Sunday). There are many, many glaring signs now that my mom is indeed having a memory issue. This is just one of many.
After my mom left the message, I told her that her issue with mixed up dates reminded me of when she would call me in the past during the month of June. This problem with dates started in 2018. Back then, after our Foundation Walk in May, Peter and I would go away to the beach the first week of June. We needed that time to unwind from the stress of hosting and coordinating such a large fundraiser. All I can remember was while we were away, my mom would call me and leave me a nasty message. The message was typically left on a Sunday, and she would say.... 'I am calling as it is Father's Day and it is clear you forgot about your dad!' I found these messages so hostile, insensitive, and hurtful. So much so that I can recall them vividly even today.
Those beach trips were my time to relax and be with Peter, and my mom couldn't appreciate that. In addition, I have NEVER ever forgotten a Mother or Father's Day in our history together! It isn't who I am. So even the inference of her comment, is way off base. It isn't like it is based in reality! In 2018 and 2019, when I received these nasty messages, I called my mom back each time and told her...... 'Father's Day is two Sundays from NOW, NOT TODAY!' She never said she was sorry for the comments or acknowledged that she was wrong.
When I recounted this story today, my dad overheard me and asked.... 'who said such things to you?!' I told him it was 'my mom.' He then said, 'why would she say that to you?' What came out of my mouth was.....'because she is mean.'
It is funny, this all happened five years ago or so, and yet to me it was like it happened yesterday. Can I move passed mean comments? Certainly, otherwise I couldn't do what I do each day. But I never forget them. They are housed somewhere in my mind and it is ironic how today's call to my cousin triggered this feeling. I think no matter our age and cognitive condition, it is important to acknowledge the feelings being expressed by those around us. Thankfully I can rationalize the hurt independently but there are some days that I truly don't know how I manage and find the strength to face another day.
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