Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2003. Mattie was a year old and that day we took him to the Reston Zoo. This is a much smaller and hands on experience for young children. We got the chance to have an up close and personal meeting with several goats. At first Mattie wasn't sure if he wanted to pet the goat or run away. In any case, at the end of the day, Mattie was fascinated by farm animals and loved watching, petting, and feeding them.
Quote of the day: In any new situation, you will be viewed in one of three ways. As a minus one: actively harmful, someone who creates problems. As a zero: your impact is neutral and doesn’t tip the balance one way or the other. Or as a plus one: someone who actively adds value. ~ Chris Hadfield, astronaut
Peter travels to Philadelphia tomorrow for a few days. He is very busy with work and of course I am very busy with my parents. It is very easy in my house to feel overwhelmed, under valued, and disconnected. After all when caregiving throughout the day, it doesn't leave much time to be a person, much less a person who used to interact with the outside world. Each day for me is just like the day before. The weekends are no better.
My dad has this preoccupation with going out to eat. When I wake him in the morning, it is the first question out of his mouth.... are we going out to eat!? I have come to accept the question for what it is, his form of conversation. As whether he eats at home or goes out to eat, what I have noticed is that his appetite is rather poor. He seems exhausted and after eating a little, will say that he is full. In fact, I now have to pick out my dad's foods for him, because he no longer knows what he likes to eat or can physically chew and eat. While eating out, my dad truly has no patience for conversations with our servers, and he will interrupt conversation to ask for straws and other items. Of course talking to servers is an outlet for me! It enables me to engage with others who live a life without the impact of Alzheimer's disease. At the end of the day though, I don't know why my dad likes going out to eat! I knew at one time! He used to love food, enjoyed eating, loved to order different things, and enjoyed the experience of being out and about. Now none of these things are applicable to his life.
Typically on the weekends, Peter joins us as we go out to eat. This certainly helps to have another pair of hands and someone else to help provide conversation. Otherwise, it's all me! This morning, Peter told me he couldn't join us because he had to work on his presentations for meetings this week. Understandable and I can appreciate the stress he is under and yet a part of me was disappointed and upset. It is easy for me to get upset and angry about my situation and then it is hard for me to reset my mood. But I eventually do, because what are my options? I am sure my feelings are not unique to me, but more universal to all caregivers. Nonetheless at the end of the day, this blog has been my outlet to share thoughts and feelings since July of 2008. A long time, and a long journey being a caregiver (caregiver of Mattie, caregiver of Mattie's legacy, caregiver of Mattie Miracle, and the caregiver to my parents).
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