Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2004. I remember this moment in time like it was yesterday! We were in Massachusetts and headed to visit a local zoo. On the way to the zoo, Mattie wanted French fries. So we went through the drive thru and I sat in the back seat to help Mattie with the eating process. In fact, now that I see this photo, I would say that when Peter was driving, I always sat in the back seat with Mattie until he outgrew that car seat. I don't know why I did that other than Mattie wanted me back there with him and especially on long car trips, I was the entertainment factor in the car.
Quote of the day: Thank you for not shying away from my broken heart. Thank you for sitting here as I try and make sense of the pieces, and for accepting the silence when I don't have the words to say. ~ Liz Newman
My friend Denise sent me tonight's quote. I loved it so much, that I am sharing it with you. What I love about it is the sentiments! When facing large and daunting decisions, or struggling through difficult times, I know I deeply appreciate someone listening to me without judgment and without wanting to present me with a solution. With regard to caregiving, the decisions have to come from me. All the advice and directives I receive are not helpful, because at the end of the day, I have to live with my choices and decisions. In addition, chances are whatever solution someone is going to offer, is something that has already been whirling around in my mind. Needless to say, Denise's quote made me feel understood and at the end of the day, knowing that someone understands me, makes me feel less isolated.
It was another winner of day here! My mom's friends wanted to Facetime with them at 11am. Given that my dad has NO desire to talk or hear from anyone, I took his place. This Facetime call was 2.5 hours long. Since Mattie's diagnosis and death, I no longer have the patience to sit for such long chats. I don't find them meaningful, but instead, I find them stressful and if I have free time (which I don't), I rather go for a walk with Sunny. Another thing I haven't done consistently for months.
While I was glued to Facetime, our neighbors came over with their kids to use our pool. So Peter was outside with our neighbors and I was inside. It is the story of our lives right now. Peter and I live in parallel, but never have time to just be ourselves, to connect and dialogue in peace, and to have the freedom and flexibility to decide how our days will unfold. This feeling of being held hostage, reminds of the emotional turmoil I felt while living in the hospital during Mattie's cancer care. The only big difference was we had a large community of support, both in and out of the hospital.
This is a big deal because my dad NEVER chooses to do art projects at his memory care center. But one day he surprised us and painted a birdhouse and another day he did a composition on a coffee filter. I cut the coffee filter to look like a sun, and I then put both creations together to form this composition.
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