Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2007. That spring break we took Mattie to the Florida Keys. Along our adventures, we stopped at this place that had a hands-on activity with a naturalist. As you can see, the naturalist was introducing Mattie to a type of shark. He was encouraging Mattie to touch the shark's skin. Mattie was intrigued but definitely wasn't going to touch this shark no matter what! Mattie had an instinctive understanding for danger and when to be cautious.
Quote of the day: The journey of life is sweeter when traveled with a dog. ~ Bridget Willoughby
Though my dad is still not 100%, I sent him to his memory care center. He wasn't coughing, had no fever, and wasn't sneezing. He was just lethargic and congested. But he is on antibiotics and I figured keeping him mentally stimulated is vital. Turns out I made the right decision as the staff would have called me immediately if he needed to come home.
This morning was a whirlwind. After dropping my dad off, I had to go pay a bill, then I drove to a winery/restaurant about 30 minutes from my home to pick up a raffle item they are donating to Mattie Miracle's raffle. I truly thought this would be a quick stop and then I could move onto the grocery store. I am always running around because I can't leave my mom home unattended for too long. Her physical therapist was coming to the house this morning, so that bought me some time.
Any case, once I arrived at this winery/restaurant, I met the manager and presented the certificate e-mailed to me. He was pleasant enough but NOT efficient. He had me waiting and STANDING for 45 minutes. He needed to locate this big magnum bottle of wine that was being donated and he also needed to create a three month membership card to their wine club. Literally I couldn't get over how long this was taking. What was running through my head was.... thank goodness I did not have my parents in tow and waiting in the car. That would have been a disaster. Something told me I had to do this alone. In addition to that revelation, what also was crossing my mind was that I felt pressed for time. I had to get moving to get the grocery shopping done. The manager never apologized and he did not throw in something extra to the donated package as a thank you for my time and patience. I made a mental note of this!
It was a stressful 45 minutes. But while waiting, I observed a woman. She came into the winery around the time I did, 11am. She had to be around my age. She walked herself up to the bar and the bartenders seemed to know her. What surprised me was she began drinking wine at 11am. By herself! I am not sure what surprised me about this but something said to me that there was a story there and in essence I was watching her and she was watching me. Just like she caught my attention, I am sure I caught hers, as I was just standing still, not talking to anyone, and feeling lost in a sea of wine bottles and glasses.
After that ordeal, I went grocery shopping. I can't say the grocery store was any better. It was super crowded and what I did not factor into this visit was that this weekend is Easter. Truthfully, Easter is so far away from my mind. To me every day is just like the day before. Though holidays lost their meaning once Mattie died, now I would say they are completely dead to me.
This week I have been dealing with health insurers, long term care companies, and funeral homes. All I can say is this is very sobering. I will be facing all of this alone for both my parents and then for myself. For the last six months, I have had to face so much and to me the whole thing has been daunting, stressful, and most of all depressing. As I try to make decisions for my parents, I too am reflecting on my own demise. I am thinking about who will be doing all of this for me? I suppose once I am dead, it doesn't matter, so in all reality, why should I care? That is the state of my existence right now.
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