Friday, July 12, 2024

Friday, July 12, 2024

Tonight's picture was taken in July of 2003. Mattie was a year old and it was his first trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. I am a big lighthouse fan and though Mattie was a little guy, I thought it was never too early to start introducing these magnificent structures to him. That day, we went to Bodie Light! It is a moment in time, I will never forget. Life seemed much more innocent then when childhood cancer wasn't part of my lexicon and I had such great hopes for the future with my son and husband. 

Quote of the day: You're going to wake up one day and realize what you've done, and you're going to regret the time you wasted apart from her for the rest of your life. ~ Jamie McGuire

I received this beautiful photo in my in-box today. You know those computer generated photos of memories that we all get! In the past, I would have loved this reminder and paused to reflect on my wedding day, July 15, 1995. Today, the photo cut me like a knife. 

Peter and I were married in New York, and the officiant of our wedding was the monsignor of the church I attended and was confirmed at as a young teen. We had a magical wedding and by the end of the evening, it was so hot, that we could see heat lightning. We viewed that as nature's own fireworks for our union. 

How on earth did I go from that to this??? I HAVE NO ANSWERS. NONE!

Given that above photo, I was deeply touched to get this card of support from my cousin Maureen. I wish she lived closer, as we have a mutual understanding and respect for one another. 

The doorbell rang today and I received a flower delivery. I have to tell you when I first saw the flowers, you know what I thought??? Of course you do!!! I thought they were from Peter, for our upcoming 29th anniversary. I know, I am delusional, as my brain can't seem to process that he doesn't love me anymore. 

I am very grateful to my friend Jen for these beautiful flowers and for reminding me I am loved. 

I woke up this morning with this image sent to me by my friend Phyllis. It is perfect, exactly how I feel. I am done with being tested and jumping through life's hurdles.  

Last night, a faithful blog reader left me a comment. I have never met Esther, we only know one another through my writings. Which is remarkable in and of itself. I am so honored that so many people have gotten to know my Mattie through this blog. If I do not accomplish anything else in life, then I know one of my main missions has been achieved. One of the things Esther said is.........

You are mighty and exemplary, look at how you have lived your life, loving and honoring your son every single day since he was born and after he left this realm, and not only you have honored him, but you have helped others in the process through your Foundation, for goodness sake! 

I am absorbing Esther's words, my cousin Maureen's words, and Jen's words today. When you lose the love of your life without warning, it does a number on your mind, heart, and spirit. Thank you all for reminding me that you see who I am, you understand my character, integrity, and unwavering commitment to those I love. THIS IS A GIFT!

Four things I am grateful for:

1. My cousin Maureen's card and support.
2. Jen's note and flowers.
3. Esther, who I never met, but value her thoughtful support.
4. Phyllis, for starting my day off with a chuckle!