Sunday, November 22, 2009

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Peter found this picture last night as he was going through my electronic albums. It was taken in August 2008, when Mattie was admitted to the hospital for his first chemo treatment. We were in the hallway of the PICU, where we were introduced to model magic for the first time. In August 2008, the hospital had NO childlife playroom, it was built months later. So all art projects took place in the hallway. Mattie and I created masks out of model magic, and as no surprise to many of my readers, I still have these masks today. They sit in my kitchen!
Poem of the day: Heaven's Playground by Suzanne McClendon

Precious angel sent to earth,
Did they tell you of your worth?
More than diamonds, rubies or gold,
Only you do I want to hold.
So perfect your beauty as I look into your eyes
That gentle reflection of angels in the skies.
Each day you grew inside me, so big and so strong,
But your time here with me was not to be long.
Oh how my heart aches as I have to say goodbye,
As I let you go back to play in the sky.


Tonight I am not feeling well as I am suffering from another migraine headache. So I will do my best to highlight some aspects of our day. Peter and I have been working hard this weekend on designing letterhead for Mattie's Foundation. We have finally developed the final design today. In addition, Peter brainstormed a logo for the Foundation, and he showed it to me tonight. I really liked it because it captures several key elements, the acronym for the Foundation (MMCF - Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation), and the sun (one of Mattie's favorite symbols). I noticed the sun Peter created, which is embedded in the logo, has 7 rays coming from it, and I immediately realized that each beam or ray of light represented one of the seven years Mattie was on this earth. Needless to say, this logo caught my attention because it captures the vibrancy of Mattie's spirit.

Peter also shared with me that he heard a song on the radio that stopped him in his tracks. Since he was listening to my radio station, he asked me if I had heard or knew the song. I had heard it before, but decided since it made such an impact on Peter, that I would look it up and we would watch the video of it together. I posted it below, so you could see it as well, if you are interested. The song is entitled, "I had my moments." In essence, the song depicts a young man who clearly is at the crossroads of his life. He is going through a difficult time, and is headed up to a bridge, with the thoughts of perhaps ending his life. However, in the midst of this journey, he runs across another man, who appears homeless. This kind soul talks to the young man and by the time he finishes with him, the young man sees that he has indeed had good moments in his life. Moments that showed him that he did have the courage and strength to rise to the challenge and accomplish things he never thought he could do. By the end of the song, you see the young man throwing, most likely, a suicide note over the bridge, and then walking away and not jumping. There is something about this song that reminds me of the movie "It's a wonderful life." Similar to the song, in the movie the character, George Bailey, is at the crossroads of his life and wonders if his life is worth living. His guardian angel, Clarence, helps George see that without his presence in the world, so many people would be negatively affected. I think the power of both the movie and the song, "I had my moments," is it highlights the importance of key people in our lives. People whose presence can help you see beauty even through the incredible pain, and in our case, the pain of losing Mattie. Peter and I have each other, which is vital to surviving this tragedy. But I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge people like Ann (my angel of hope) and Karen (my lifetime friend) who walk each day with me (sometime hour by hour) and of course our readers who continue to check in with us. I think this is a powerful song because it reminds all of us that the human connections we make with others on a daily basis DO matter and can have a profound impact on another person's life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQ3-PHktE34


I end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Bless Peter for his thoughtfulness and understanding; I can almost see those flowers standing amidst the legos and other items Mattie created in his time here. It sounds like yesterday was a day when you got a break from the overwhelming grief for a bit. And although you were joking about going to the serenity room for a couple of hours a week; it would be helpful if you could somehow find space in your life for that serenity for just a couple of hours per week. I agree that your book choice is interesting; some people give thought to their legacy early on while others don't seem to care. Sometimes, unfortunately, we are here for only a brief time and it is up to the ones who love us to establish our legacy on our behalf. Mattie certainly established his in the hearts and minds of those who met him and you made the connection for those of us who did not really have the opportunity to meet him by establishing the blog. For today, I hope you can find a few minutes of that serenity to help get you through the more difficult moments."