It is almost hard to imagine that Mattie has been gone from our lives for seven months now! In some ways it doesn't seem that long, and in other ways it seems like a lifetime ago when I was Mattie's mom. Tonight's picture was taken when Mattie was three months old. The irony is Mattie looked more like Peter when he was a baby. However, that did not last long, and by the time Mattie was a toddler, he clearly resembled me. I particularly love this picture, because even at an early age you can see how Mattie was very curious! It almost looks like he is trying to say something in this picture, doesn't it?
Poem of the day: May you be blessed by Kate Nowak
http://www.blessyoumovie.com/miami/?cm_mmc=MIAMI-_-NL-_-03.17.2010-_-MYBBmov
May you be blessed
with all things good.
May your joys, like the stars at night,
be too numerous to count.
May your victories be more abundant
than all the grains of sand
on all the beaches
on all the oceans
in all the world.
May lack and struggle
only serve to make you stronger
and may beauty order and abundance
be your constant companions.
May every pathway you choose
lead to that which is pure and good and lovely.
May every doubt and fear
be replaced by a deep abiding trust
as you behold evidence of a Higher Power
all around you.
And when there is only darkness
and the storms of life are closing in
May the light at the core of your being
illuminate the world.
May you always be aware you are loved beyond measure
and may you be willing to love unconditionally in return.
May you always feel protected and cradled
in the arms of God,
like the cherished child you are.
And when you are tempted to judge
may you be reminded that we are all ONE
and that every thought you think
reverberates across the universe,
touching everyone and everything.
And when you are tempted to hold back,
may you remember that love flows best when
it flows freely
and it is in giving that we receive
the greatest gift.
May you always have music and laughter
and may a rainbow follow every storm
May gladness wash away every disappointment
may joy dissolve every sorrow
and my love ease every pain.
May every wound bring wisdom
and every trial bring triumph
and with each passing day
may you live more abundantly than the day before.
May you be blessed
And may others be blessed by you.
This is my heartfelt wish for you.
May you be blessed.
My dad sent me the video link to this poem, "May you be blessed." I posted the link to the video above, and if you want a minute or two of peace and reflection, I encourage you to watch the video. Unlike the usual poems of grief that I post and relate to very deeply, tonight, I decided to share my hope for my readers..... may you all be blessed. Blessed because despite the pain reported here, you have the courage to come back to read what I write. Despite the fact that we lost the cancer battle with Mattie, you still haven't given up on us, and despite leading busy lives, you continue to open your hearts and minds to our tragedy. For your kindness, compassion, and loyalty, my greatest wish is..... may you be blessed.
When my dad sent me this poem today, I found it very moving. Clearly this is his wish for me as I try to cope with one of life's greatest sorrows. I watched this video twice today, because I found the sentiments in it so touching and moving. I think this speaks to my point I made the other night about a parent's love. Despite the fact that I am no longer a child, in my parent's eyes I am still their child, and they are grieving along side me. Not only because they miss Mattie, but for the deep loss in our lives. The bond between a parent and a child is hard to break, because I have witnessed that physical distance and even death can't destroy it.
This afternoon, Peter and I went out to lunch with Cynthia Duncan. Cynthia has been the executive director of Hope Street Kids for ten years. Hope Street Kids is an organization created by parents whose daughter was dying from Neuroblastoma. Tamra, a fellow SSSAS mom and member of our board, introduced us to Cynthia, and as Peter and I start learning more about the world of non-profits in the cancer community, such meetings are very important. Cynthia was delightful, and she gave us some good suggestions to look into as we learn more about networking in the world of pediatric cancer.
I spent the rest of the day at home. I literally was absorbed in my computer. Peter and I have been reaching out to all the leaders of our walk taskforce committees today. During the planning phases of last year's walk, Peter and I were inundated with Mattie's care. We literally had no idea of the level of effort and planning that went into a walk. We had some idea and of course appreciation, but I admit we were just physically and mentally incapable to manage any logistics for the 2009 walk. This year, is a bit different, and we wanted to reach out to our returning leaders, and let them know how much we appreciate their support. I know what motivates us to do this, but I continue to be in amazement by the level of commitment and support others continually show us. In fact, one of our walk committee leaders let me know today that she plans on supporting us into the future. That her presence is not a one year commitment. What can you say to something like that? Other than, we are humbly grateful and so touched that Mattie's memory and legacy is being carried forth by such wonderful people. Naturally we are deeply grateful to Liz Chiaramonte who chaired the entire walk process last year and did an amazing job, and to our dear friend, Ann, who has taken this role on this year and has her teams charged, brainstorming, and running.
As we head into Friday, and I re-enter the world of licensure board meetings, I ask that you wish me luck and keep me in your thoughts. Typical board meetings can last six hours or longer. I will never forget one meeting, we may have been there 10 hours! But the staff I have the pleasure of working with are incredibly dedicated individuals, and the feeling of contributing to the direction of the field is very stimulating.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "It sounds like yesterday was a productive day for you and somewhat more upbeat. Your comments about nature being necessary spiritually are right on target; studies show that being in a quiet, natural area like a woodland or park lowers blood pressure and calms even many hyperactive children. It has to be balm for a soul suffering from grief or loss. Unfortunately, many of our hospitals, chapels, etc, have few of these areas immediately available to them; they are worth their weight in gold in my opinion. Mattie was a child who really appreciated nature so his connection to it makes it doubly important for you to get a "therapeutic dosage" of nature frequently. I do understand why it is more difficult to plant in the boxes where you used to do that with Mattie but perhaps you can plant them in his favorite colors to celebrate his time here with you. As I practice today, I will send you the energy to help you focus and begin to pick up your outside responsibilities like the licensure board. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
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