Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2008. Mattie and I went on a trip to California to visit my parents. While there, we took Mattie to a hands on Noah's Ark exhibit at the Skirball Cultural Center. I included a link to the exhibit if you should want to see some of the fabulous and intricate details. It was well worth the trip!
http://www.travelinlocal.com/noahs-ark-exhibit-swings-at-the-skirball-cultural-center/
At the exhibit, they had an area where children could climb and explore. The irony is that Mattie was afraid of climb and hesitant to run around and even climb steps before he entered preschool. Each week, Mattie and I would work with his amazing occupational therapist, Kathie, to retrain Mattie and to help him overcome his fears of his physical space. Clearly, from this picture you see that early intervention was very successful. Mattie loved adventure, was always cautious, but as you can see he had a big smile on his face as he was running around.

Poem of the day: Counting by Charlie Brown


Another Tuesday has
Come and gone
How many more
Until I stop counting weeks
And start counting years?
Is that even possible?
I can't imagine it now.
From where I stand
Each new week remains
A hurdle to be conquered
Filled with the pain of remembering
How sad that now I have started
Counting months, the first count
Starts with nine, that number
That is supposed to be the start
Of a new life born, and not one lost
The cruelty of numbers is hard to fathom.


As always, just like everyday since Mattie died, Ann text messages me each morning. However, this morning I did not respond to her. I was tired, did not want to get up, and this mood progressed throughout the day. On those days, like today, when I don't respond to her in writing, she then proceeds to call me. She can always tell what kind of day I am having based on how many times she has to call me and leave a message until I finally decide to answer. For those of you who do not know Ann, she can be very persistent. When she finally spoke to me today she invited me out with her to go shopping and to lunch. However, I chose not to go. Instead, I finally got myself together and decided to spend the day at home so that I could make headway on some of the final Walk paperwork I wanted to do. So in that sense it was a productive day.

In the midst of wondering how on earth I would be spending the next week without Peter and Ann, I began to get e-mails and phone calls from friends. Slowly but surely, by the end of today, I practically have each day planned, so that I will be spending a portion of each day with a friend. When Ann goes out of town, I try to spend time with her mother, Mary. Mary's physical and cognitive health are declining rapidly, and when Ann goes out of town Mary's feelings are exacerbated. However, based on my own emotional state, I realize I do not have the stamina to spend the amount of time that I typically would with Mary without having the support of others in my life. So for me, planning out my week was necessary and a healthy thing. Otherwise, I could potentially spend it in isolation.

I uploaded some more Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Walk photos for you to look at. What I love about the next three pictures, is they illustrate that the Walk was truly an inclusive family event. Even our four legged friends were walking around the track and participating in the day! I love the fact that Jeff, our friend and photographer, captured these special guests.

 

The pictures on the left and the right to me are charming. They capture Liza, our co-coordinator of logistics with her daughter Katie, handing out beads to two little boys, Cameron and Jamie. Look at the enthusiasm and excitement on the children's faces as they earned a bead for the lap they just completed!

As the picture in the center illustrates, adults were intrigued by the beads too! Peter's colleagues, John and Bill, received their beads from Liza and Katie and were working on stringing them onto the backpack clips.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I know you hear the echo of Mattie in all the things his friends are doing now. Puzzles, preparing for camp and playing sports. It has to be very difficult and yet you handle it with grace and strength. I admire your determination to do so. I respect your decision to keep Mattie's things as the physical reality of them is still very important to have in your space. There may come a time when that is no longer true; it will be okay then to let some of them go. You will know when and you will know which are the important things you need to keep and which can be "kept" in pictures or videos instead. Until then, respect your own feelings in the matter. As you walk the path today I send you my strength to help you continue to connect with others even when the effort seems too much. I hold you gently in my thoughts."