Tonight's picture was taken around my birthday in 2009. Linda (Mattie's childlife specialist) gave Mattie a cake, so that he could give it to me! This was my last birthday I spent with Mattie.
Poem of the day: Little Boy Things by Charlie Brown
What's your favorite?
Anything with wheels
From cars and trains
To buses and planes
You loved them every one.
Now your wagon sits abandoned
And your cars, they gather dust
I cannot bear to see
How they will eventually rust
Where is your laughter?
Your smiles and your tears
I still want to be your mom
Sharing hopes and dreams and fears.
But now my arms are empty
And my heart is full of tears
I hate the thought of facing
All those childless years.
Despite my very great misfortune, today was a day where I once again was shown and experienced the beauty and generosity of friendship. Through Ann, I have had the wonderful opportunity to get to know her neighbor Tina. Some of you who read the blog regularly, may remember that recently I have been invited several times to Tina's house to swim in her pool. Tina and I haven't known each other very long, but when she found out it was going to be my birthday, she coordinated and planned with Ann a birthday party at her house. Tina and Ann outdid themselves tonight, and the many wonderful RCC moms, SSSAS moms, and some of our Georgetown University Hospital family who attended helped to make tonight a very memorable occasion.
As I told Ann last week, as this party was being planned, I did not feel very much in a party mood. I also told Ann I did not feel like there was much to celebrate. Ann heard me, but strongly feels that my life is worth celebrating. It was a special evening to reconnect with several moms who I unfortunately do not get to see as often as I would like. As I was explaining to my Georgetown University Hospital family who was in attendance at the party, it became very evident to me, that many of my friends I met through being Mattie's mom. Without Mattie, I would never have had the opportunity to cultivate these friendships, in many ways, Mattie brought a new world to me, and though he isn't physically present in my life, his handy work is still going strong.
I would like to share some photos from tonight's party with you!
In memory of the wonderful jewels created by your Mattie, this gift has been lovingly created by many of your friends, who care deeply for you.
The remainder of the scroll, lists a friend's name and the bead this friend gave me. There is a corresponding number, so I can match each bead to each person.
Dr. Aziza Shad, Katie Kennedy (aka Dorothy to Mattie, because of her shiny red shoes), Dr. Kristen Snyder, and Sarah Marshall Greene (our Angel of Mercy, who was with Mattie the night he died).
Front row: Tina, Ann, Vicki, and Katie
Second row: Helen (Ann's cousin), Christine, Liza, Grace, Catherine, Sarah Marshall, Kellie, and Tanja
Last row: Junko, Mary, Michelle, Marisa, Denise, Dr. Aziza Shad, Dr. and Kristen Snyder
I would like to end tonight's posting with three messages. The first message if from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "Forty five weeks, it seems both a life time and a blink in time. I know it seems so strange to be without Mattie. I think we as mothers gravitate toward other women with children and when you are seen as without them, the connection doesn't naturally happen. Whenever I am in a store or a restaurant, any woman entering with children seems to look around for and make eye contact with other mothers who are there. It is as if you don't have the right combination to make the connection. It happens with other people as well; I always looked for others in military uniform and made eye contact; now they don't "see me" the same way because I wear civilian clothing. It is a difficult adjustment to make but the point is that what you are feeling is real! Like other things about this whole situation, you have to find other ways of making connections now and that is difficult. As you said in your blog about the relationship between children and older adults; they have so much to give each other and yet we set things up in a way that isolates them from each other. Children need more accepting adult attention which many of our elders would be happy to provide and the elders need the energy infusion that comes from being with children. In other societies the grandparents or elders are the caretakers of the young, I believe to the advantage of both. As for the "unconscious" mom, I won't even go there. I think you said all that needed to be said on that one. Thank goodness Ann caught the boys before they made it out the door. As you go through this day, know I continue to pray for you. I hold you gently in my thoughts."
The second message is from my friend, Danelle. Danelle and I emailed back and forth today regarding what I observed and reported about in last night's blog. Danelle has had a similar observation, however, what I admire about her is she actually took a proactive stance and tried to advocate for the children who are clearly in harms way. Danelle wrote, "I was struck by the story about the mom at gymnastics. I have had a situation this week where I feel like a mom was putting her kids in harm’s way and struggled with what to do. I often drop Brian at the Pentagon City Metro and then cut back through on Joyce Street (heads from Pentagon Row up to 22nd in Crystal City). It is a pretty major cut through for people, and the cars tend to go pretty fast. A few mornings this week, this mom has been waiting at the bus stop with 5 or 6 kids (she must walk kids besides her own, which makes it even worse – she is putting someone else’s kids in harm’s way!). They appear to be waiting for the bus for summer school or something. The kids sit on the curb with their legs and feet in the street. It is a narrow street with parked cars, and the cars are already squeezing by each other. Anyway, every time I have seen those kids there, I’ve gotten nervous. It would be so easy for something to happen to them sitting like that. And I don’t think the kids should be taught to feel that comfortable sitting that close to traffic.Today I finally rolled my window down and told the mom that I thought the kids should be further back from the street, that it made me very nervous having them in the street like that. She said, “oh ok,” and I rolled up my window and pulled away. I watched in my mirror as far as I could see, but she never moved the kids back (these are younger elementary kids). Well, I thought about calling Arlington County schools about it, to see if anything could be done. Then I came home this morning and read your blog entry, and it helped me to decide that I definitely needed to call. I just called the transportation office for that school district and spoke with a very nice woman who agreed that it wasn’t safe, looked up which bus stop it must be, which driver she thinks it is, and promised to talk to that bus driver and have him say something to the mom about it. She said that if I still see it happening, to please call back. You never know if someone will take something like that seriously when you call, but I really felt like she did. I assume you guys were at Barcroft. I wonder if Ann hadn’t been following those kids out, if the person at the front desk would have stopped them, or noticed anything wrong? If anyone would have spoken up before those kids were out in the parking lot. I don’t know that there were too many parallels between the two situations but for some reason they linked in my mind and helped me decide to call. Thank you for the “prod.” Take care!"
The third message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "I am glad that you were able to watch the transaction between Michael and Jackson at the facility. Your stories about the children always bring Mattie to my mind and I silently picture him enjoying their play. Of course, we would trade everything to have had him be with them. It is amazing to see how Ann's children will naturally engage the elders. Kudos to them and to Bob and Ann for setting such a wonderful example. In contrast, your story about the Mom and her three children was right on target. How disturbing to see that a grown up will forget that little people like to wander or explore when they are not engaged with the environment and their responsibility for their safety. Although you didn't react directly with this Mom, you have taken a stand by reminding all the readers of the need to keep watch over their children. Finally, Charlie's poem was beautiful. I believe that the phrase Mattie Moon has become a new entry in each of our personal dictionaries. I think I shared this with you before, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself. I told you that Mattie's notecards and stamps are special treasures. These along with yesterday's comments and picture prompted me to send a note to someone. Because of the nature of my message, I chose to use one of my stash. I don't use them often because it's my way of honoring and holding on to Mattie's creation. It made me realize just how much your family was on my mind. Thank you, Mattie, for a beautiful sun! Rest peacefully and know we all think of you."
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