Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2008. Only six months prior to Mattie's cancer diagnosis. It is almost hard to believe since he looks SO healthy! As you can see we were on one of our weekend nature excursions, and in usual Mattie fashion he collected a big stick along the way. In fact, Mattie's stick collection was quite impressive at one time. He displayed them in our commons area. Some were standing up straight, others were arranged so that they were touching each other, but in any case, the composition made a statement. Though the collection isn't up anymore in the way Mattie arranged them, the sticks are still lying beside all the ivy in our commons area. The boy is gone, but his creativity remains.
Quote of the day: In Asian countries one can still find delicate tear vases used by mourners. The tears shed into the little vases are considered sacred. The tear bottles are kept and often buried with the person mourned. Even if our tears are for ourselves, for our ache of loneliness, for our pain of loss, they are still sacred, for they are tears of our love. ~ Rabbi Jack Stern, Jr.
This morning I decided to head to the shopping mall to buy a few things. Waiting until the weekend, as we get closer to the holidays is NEVER a good idea. While driving to the particular mall in question, I passed the Pentagon. Flying overhead was a chinook (a twin-engine, tandem rotor heavy-lift helicopter)! I wasn't expecting to feel one way or another about such a sighting, however, to my surprise watching this chinook made me cry. Mattie loved helicopters and airplanes, but he was very intrigued by chinooks. In fact, he liked them so much, I bought him two children's books about chinooks, and the main character's name was Chin UP the Chinook. So as I was innocently watching this chinook flying today, I realized something was VERY wrong. My co-pilot, Mattie, wasn't in the back seat screaming in excitement over this sighting. Instead I was watching it alone, simply remembering, and feeling perplexed by this loss. I continue to reflect on Elizabeth Edwards' comment about her life after her son died. She said she was "parenting Wade's memory." It is so well stated and I relate to it deeply.
It was a day of running around and in between running, I sat down for lunch and continued reading "Saving Henry." This is a book that I do not read daily, which is most likely why it is taking me forever to read it. Over lunch, I read the chapter when Laurie (Henry's mom), realizes her son is dying. She actually knew he was dying much earlier in the process than I knew about Mattie. As she was describing her feelings, I swear for that moment in time I was transported back to September 7, 2009, the day before Mattie died. Everything came back to me, which is problematic especially when trying to eat and being in a public place. So literally I couldn't finish the chapter and had to close the book.
However, on a much brighter note, through my Blackberry today, I received the wonderful Press Release (see below) that Brett and Mercury sent out today about our work together. Our interactions with Brett and his company, are like rays of sunshine for me. On days when I feel lost or down, I focus on the work we will be doing with Mercury and Brett, and this helps to re-energize and re-engage me.
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Lucy-Claire Saunders
(212) 681-1380
lsaunders@mercuryllc.com
Mercury takes action with Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation on Capitol Hill for pediatric cancer
Mercury teams up with non-profit to create legislative support for families dealing with childhood cancer
Washington DC, December 9, 2010– Mercury has announced a pro bono partnership with the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation (https://www.mattiemiracle.com/) aimed at creating legislation that will provide for the social and psychological needs of families managing pediatric cancer.
“Hospitals and doctors are great at diagnosing and treating cancer, but, currently, little is done to ensure a network of support is established to help families deal with cancer diagnosis and treatment, including the difficulty of chemotherapy, and end of life or survivorship issues,” Brett Thompson, Managing Director of Mercury, said. “I have the honor to know Vicki and Peter Brown, Mattie’s parents and the founders of the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation, and their compelling story has ignited a cause that will hopefully reach the ears and hearts of the U.S. government.”
The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation (MMCF), was founded in memory of Mattie Brown, who passed away at age seven after battling multifocal Osteosarcoma, a deadly and rare form of bone cancer. Mattie’s mother, Victoria Sardi-Brown, is co-founder, chairman and president of the Foundation, which is dedicated to building public awareness to pediatric cancers and supporting children and families through the treatment process. She has written daily blog posts (http://mattiebear.blogspot.com) since her son was diagnosed with the debilitating cancer, and continues to do so, depicting the heart wrenching struggle a family endures during the stages of childhood cancer. The result has been an overwhelming show of support from the D.C. community and from individuals nationwide.
“As a parent, hearing the words, ‘your child has cancer,’ is daunting, frightening, overwhelming, and shocking,” Vicki Brown said. “It is a diagnosis you never expect to hear, but once you do, life as you know it no longer exists. The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation believes that children and their families upon diagnosis and throughout the treatment and recovery phases must have access to quality mental health care. Such care is vital to the overall health and wellness of the family unit, the child's outlook about treatment, and the family's perspective on the future.”
Broadening the Scope of Practice in Pediatric Oncology to include the psychosocial health of family members is crucial as parents are an essential part of the treatment team. Patterns of stress in parents of children treated for cancer often differ from those in families of children treated for other diseases.
"The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation is committed to helping the 46 children a day who are diagnosed with cancer and their families as they struggle with the reality of a childhood cancer diagnosis,” said Peter Brown, noting that the emotional toll and the stresses a family experiences when their child is being treated for cancer can be disastrous to all involved.
“With the help of Mercury, MMCF will raise the national attention of these issues and get the support, resources and help that these families need as they focus on saving their child's life,” he said.
Cancer is the number one disease killer of children between infancy and 15 years old. Osteosarcoma is the most common type of bone cancer, and the sixth most common type of cancer in children. Although other types of cancer can eventually spread to parts of the skeleton, Osteosarcoma is one of the few that actually begin in bones and sometimes spread (or metastasize) elsewhere, usually to the lungs or other bones.
“By working with the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation, we want to ignite the awareness needed for legislation that will provide families facing a cancer diagnosis with the appropriate emotional and psychosocial support,” said Max Sandlin, a partner at Mercury, who recently met with Victoria and Peter. “We were more than happy to offer our full resources as this is a worthy cause.”
Mercury (http://www.mercuryllc.com) is a high-stakes public strategy firm. We use our expertise and reach to gain competitive advantage for clients. Our expertise comes from extensive must-win campaign experience and operating successfully at the highest rung of business, government, politics and media. Our reach is the ability to use strategic intelligence to mobilize the message and persuade the toughest audiences. We know what it takes to win in difficult situations. We have proven results for prominent figures, leading advocacy groups and the world’s most successful companies.
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Though I do not live in Ann's neighborhood, I do know many of her neighbors. Several of them are my friends, and as my readers, I know you have come to know them indirectly................ Tanja, Tina, Mary (not Ann's mom), and Katie (Zachary's mom).
I snapped a picture of Ann's table tonight, and in the background you can see our youngest shopper, Abigail (Ann's daughter). It was a very festive evening filled with wonderful foods, lots of conversation, and a home decorated for Christmas. There are moments when all of this becomes overwhelming, mostly because I know I am going through the motions, because this level of happiness is no longer part of my life. Somehow being around happiness is taxing and physically and emotionally draining for me. What a sad commentary in a way.
Last night I shared a dream my mom had of Mattie. I am ending tonight's posting with a follow up memory my mom shared with me. This memory seems to tie in quite well with her dream. I appreciate her writing these memories down for me, because I find Mattie stories very meaningful. I always enjoy hearing how Mattie related to others and how he captured one's love and attention.
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A Mattie Memory by Virginia R. Sardi
I recall one day I was baby-sitting for you in DC. Mattie and I played many different games to pass the time away but ended up playing one of his very favorite games, Hide-And-Seek. He loved to play it and especially enjoyed when I hammed it up pretending I couldn't find him until after I searched everywhere else but where he was. It was the last game that had me worried because I really didn't know where he went off to and after a long search I could not find him. My one consolation was that I knew he definitely was in the house, but where? Even though I could assure myself he was there, I started to panic when I checked all the familiar hiding places and found he was not there. In desperation I called out his name to see if I could force him to give me a clue as to where he was. Then I figured it out. He had to be in a closet cleverly hidden where I could not see him. Indeed, he was in the closet of his room tucked away in a dark and barely accessible corner. Resourcefulness was his hallmark even when he played a simple game of Hide-And-Seek and I was always aware of his creative side so I was not surprised that he left me befuddled in my search for him. It was with joy and relief that I finally discovered his hiding place in which he concealed himself under a bundle of clothes. He squealed with laughter when I found him. I hugged him tightly and felt so relieved to embrace him physically once again. In a sense, my dream and that special Hide-And-Seek game I played with him that afternoon had strong parallels. In both instances, I could "sense" his presence even though I could not see him. When I awoke from my dream, this "sense" of Mattie being present persisted throughout the day. It was as if it was in my power to find his new hiding place as I had done so long ago in our simple little game because I could feel that he was still expecting me to find him! How I wish I could!
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