Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008. We were walking on Roosevelt Island with Mattie, and as was typical for this time of year, Mattie was collecting tent moth caterpillars. If you look closely at the stick he is carrying, you will see a caterpillar right on it. It is the simple things like this that remind me of Mattie and though at the time, I wasn't wild about collecting caterpillars, I have now come to miss it.
Quote the day: Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.
My parents and I spent our last day together, before they return to Los Angeles tomorrow morning. In the afternoon we met up with my graduate school friend, Amany. Amany and I have known each other for years and with each other's support we managed to survive and graduate from a doctoral program in counseling. I use the word "survive" because in order to obtain a doctorate degree you wouldn't believe the various tortures you are put through. It is a test of endurance, perseverance, humility, political savviness, and most of all determination. Not unlike the hazing process fraternity pledges go through, there is a great deal of UNREPORTED mental and emotional hazing that goes on to obtain a doctorate degree. If you think this problem just lies with Amany and I, I assure you it doesn't. Once I graduated with my PhD, I decided to develop a conference series to help doctoral students. I ran sessions to discuss how to complete a dissertation and to survive the process. Guess what? Each conference session was ALWAYS packed!!! Meaning that this is a COMMON problem, but an UNSPOKEN one. Actually the issue is so pervasive in academia that I always joked that one day I wanted to go on Oprah to expose this abuse.
My dad asked both Amany and I at lunch the following question... If we had known back then what we do now about obtaining a doctoral degree, would we have still pursued the degree? It was an interesting question. Cancer has allowed me to see that we waste a great deal of time pursuing stressful things in our lives. I lived with a great deal of stress for years trying to jump through professional and academic hurdles. Was it worth it? It is hard to say. But the conclusion I have come to is that the doctorate helped me to develop a certain level of confidence and a great deal of strength to handle inordinate amounts of stress. So in all actuality it prepared me to tackle cancer. Because after surviving a doctorate, I won't allow any medical doctor to intimidate me and I lived many years with little to no sleep balancing work, clinical work, and graduate school that this made me an ideal candidate to survive time in the PICU.
I am still sorting through pictures, but I wanted to share a couple more with you tonight. This photo features Lauren, our Face of Hope. Lauren sold hundreds of bows at the Walk and she was joined by her friends Katie and Colleen. Katie and Colleen assist Lauren in making Bows for Hope. For those of you who were unable to attend the Walk, Lauren is an Osteosarcoma survivor and was diagnosed with this disease a week after Mattie. Though she was treated in PA, and Mattie was in DC, Lauren's mom and I became e-mail buddies. We went through the treatment process together, shared stories, frustrations, and fears. In so many ways, being connected with Lauren makes me feel connected to Mattie and I am so honored she designs bows and donates all her proceeds to Mattie Miracle. She is an amazing young lady. I will be sharing her Walk speech with you shortly.
Our friend Liz sent us several wonderful photos today. I happened to love this one in particular. One of the children's activities at the Walk was balloon creations. Clearly you can see this wonderful balloon hat on this cutie's head!
Noah and Amanda are pictured in this photo. Amanda also has a type of bone cancer, called Ewing's Sarcoma. As you can see, she too had to have her leg amputated.
I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from our friend Liz. Liz's son was in Mattie's kindergarten class and you should also note that Liz was the thoughtful and caring person who chaired the first Mattie March in 2009. For that, we will always be grateful to her. Liz wrote, "I just wanted to tell you how terrific I think the walk was. It seemed so professionally done. It sure has come a long way since our first three years ago. My children had a great time. The program, the special guests, and the posters along the walk, were so well thought out and executed. The foundation's goals and what you have already been able to accomplish were clearly laid out. In short, it was fantastic. I was sitting in those bleachers thinking you are such an amazing woman and that your skills/education/career will make such a huge contribution to the cancer fight, especially to those families going through it (an obviously very neglected aspect of the whole ordeal). May God bless you and Peter in ways you have yet to realize. You are making the world a better place--all for the love of Mattie."
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