Monday, November 7, 2011Tonight's picture was taken in November of 2003 at a local farm. I absolutely love this picture! Mattie wanted to get close to this rooster, but each time he did, the rooster ran away. So it became a chasing match. Mattie's intention was not to hurt the rooster, but to simply get closer to him. Needless to say to me this was a cute and priceless picture, which I entitled, "The Determined Chase."
Quote of the day: Our lives are like islands in the sea, or like trees in the forest, which co-mingle their roots in the darkness underground. ~ William James
My friend Charlie sent me this quote today. I loved it as soon as I read it because it reminded me of Mattie and Mattie's support communities. People are like islands in many ways, and our communities are like the sea. The one unifying factor in this vast sea of communities has been Mattie. Mattie has co-mingled members of his preschool, his elementary school, my university, Peter's place of work, and Georgetown Hospital. In my opinion, Mattie was a special seven year old boy, not only because he was my son, but because his courage and battle were so powerful he was able to connect these amazing communities together. These communities hoped and fought for Mattie's recovery, and now they advocate for childhood cancer research, services, and care. I often hear from our supporters that they became friends with someone because of Team Mattie. To be such a uniting force will always be a part of Mattie's legacy.
My friend Tina invited me today to a Degas exhibit at a local gallery and lunch. I love art, especially impressionist art, and Degas painted a subject matter I love... the ballet. We were both looking forward to seeing this special collection. Though Tina lives in Virginia and I live in DC, I learned today that Tina has an excellent sense of direction and knows the city better than I do. I wish I was born with a sense of direction, because I can get lost VERY easily, which is frustrating. Over the years, I have just accepted this shortcoming about myself. Thankfully, Peter and Mattie are not like me in this regard!
When Tina and I arrived at the event, we learned that the museum was closed because of a gas leak. We were both very disappointed, especially since a good parking space was secured. We mulled over the idea of walking to another museum or doing something else. But instead, we both decided to stay put, and found a cozy and serene place to sit and have hot tea and then lunch. The art of sitting still and talking maybe considered overrated by some, but something that I greatly appreciate. In fact, as I have learned through Mattie's cancer battle, the greatest gift one friend can give another is time. We all live in a fast paced and hurried world, and it is so easy to lose sight of the preciousness of connecting with another person. However, today, for about four hours, it was as if we unplugged from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and had a good time chatting about all sorts of things. Not to mention eating. We both love to eat and we appreciate the art of food preparation. However, post-cancer I have found that unless I am calm and unhurried, I have trouble consuming food. Food just won't go down, and in addition to this realization, I also know that my level of anxiety can escalate very quickly internally. This inability to regulate anxiety and feelings are not uncommon side effects from surviving a trauma, and despite being two years post-trauma or Mattie's death, the symptoms remain for me. Some days I can regulate them better than others. Bad days still however exist, and they come in waves actually. I continue to have waves in which I can't sleep, eating isn't appealing, and I have a heightened sense of anxiety. I usually can find my way out of this state with time, but the frustrating part is it usually cycles back.
This afternoon, when I got home, I received a phone call from a fellow board member who sits with me on the parent advisory board of the hospital. She wanted me to know that one afternoon she and her son (a cancer survivor), manned the hospital snack cart that the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation helps to sponsor. She called to tell me how appreciative families are, how they look forward to the cart, and how their faces beamed to receive a free snack as they manage their long and arduous days in the hospital. She said it wasn't just one parent, it was every family she interacted with. In fact, such glowing reports are floating about the hospital, that I hear other hospital units on different floors want to know how they can get such a cart for their patients! I think this feedback is absolutely beautiful, because it is exactly what we hoped this free psychosocial service would achieve. Peter and I continue to count candy, and more is still coming in. We are OVER 3000 pieces of candy so far, which will be delivered this Friday to the hospital! So stay tuned for the final count which is coming soon.
Later today, Peter and I had a conference call with Brett, our lobbyist who works for Mercury, Clark, & Weinstock. Brett continues to be instrumental in his guidance of our public policy agenda and actually on the overall position of the Foundation. He gave us a lot to consider today, and I appreciate his ability to manage me as a client. He understands me as a person, because I am a combination of emotion and logic, and therefore when you talk to me about something I am passionate about (Mattie), it is important to know where I am coming from.
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