Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2006. This was another classic Mattie photo.... building with tinker toys. That day Mattie and Peter built this wonderful tower and they were very proud to show it off!
Quote of the day: Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was,’Did you bring joy?’ The second was, ‘Did you find joy?’~ Leo Buscaglia
I feel like I had a rough day. Awaiting MRI results for the spine and brain. The spine results came in and I don't understand them and then my doctor didn't post the brain results. Well that made me even more anxious. Needless to say, the results are posted and I don't understand either of them or the next steps. So that is how I went into teaching a class at the George Washington University. By the time I got to the University my head was spinning and each limb was shaking. How I pulled it together to teach for two hours is beyond me.
The lecture I gave was about the impact on childhood cancer on a family and how bereavement affects the lives of parents forever. Before talking to a class I always ask them to raise their hands if they have a personal experience with cancer, knew a child with cancer, and are parents themselves. This class actually had one childhood cancer survivor in it, but no parents. It is hard to talk to people who are not parents because they do not get the true love and bond between a parent and child. They may get it theoretically or may reflect on their connection with their own parents, but it just isn't the same.
I remember when I was in graduate school, pre-Mattie, and a guest lecturer came in to discuss grief and loss and focused upon the death of a child. She mentioned that this is the hardest form of grief to manage and cope with. At the time I processed that but did not take this information to heart, NOT like I do now. So I told the class tonight that one day when they have their own children or are involved in caring for a child, they will look back at tonight's lecture and have a deeper understanding for what I was talking about.
Typically I come back from these lectures energized, but that wasn't what happened tonight. When I got home I was worn out and Peter wasn't back from work yet. So overall, I felt in a quandary and not sure what to do. I literally was going to walk back out of our home. I am not sure why, but between how I am feeling and two hours of talking and reliving Mattie's cancer and the impact it has on families did me in.
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