Mattie Miracle 9th Annual Walk & Family Festival -- Raised over $97,000

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.

As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

Random Shots of Mattie, Family and Friends

March 12, 2017

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Mattie received this cute alligator hand toy. Despite how Mattie was feeling, he never lost his sense of humor. As I was opening and closing the gator's mouth, Mattie was mimicking what he saw. I remember this moment in time like it were yesterday. 

Quote of the day: If your body is screaming in pain, whether the pain is muscular contractions, anxiety, depression, asthma or arthritis, a first step in releasing the pain may be making the connection between your body pain and the cause. Beliefs are physical. A thought held long enough and repeated enough becomes a belief. The belief then becomes biology.Marilyn Van Derbur

I think tonight's quote could also be applied to grief and trauma. Surviving after a child dies, does have consequences. Our thoughts and feelings about this loss do get translated into real physical problems. It would be wonderful if releasing the pain were possible, but death isn't an isolated issue. Instead, with each phase of my life, special occasions, milestone moments, and even in my every day life, issues arise that force me to re-examine how my life has changed. After a while, the accumulation of losses (e.g., losing Mattie, which triggered a host of other losses.... loss of the identify of being a parent, loss of friends who are parents, loss of being connected to a school community, loss of Mattie's birthday's, graduations, and the list goes on) does become overwhelming. 

Since Mattie died, I have experienced a host of medical problems. The most recent is being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. However, if you look at the causes of this disorder, one of the top culprits is experiencing a trauma. This week I have been dealing with a flair up of symptoms, and I have no specific explanation as to what triggered them. All I know is I am exhausted, can't get comfortable, and have shooting pains. It is my hope that as mysteriously as this came on, it goes away. 

1 comment:

Margy Jost said...

Vicki, It is my hope too, that as quickly as this recent episode started, that it ends soon. There truly isn't a day in each year that is not connected to Mattie. He is your child. His death prevents you from experiencing all these occasions with him but it doesn't keep you from knowing they are happening. Therein lies why the stress on any given day could send your body to experience fibromyalgia symptoms. I hope this is making sense. To me, Mattie's death deprived you of all special occasions and all the small, daily interaction, you would have with him. I think of you & Peter often as well as other parents, I know who wake up every day without their child. The isolation it causes because only another parent fully knows this grief. plus grief is such an individual experience. I am truly sorry and forever will wish there was a way to change this.