Tonight's picture was taken in February of 2003. Mattie was 10 months old and getting around our home in his infamous "tot wheels." Mattie could zoom around corners and had a natural understanding for speed and spatial relations. I snapped this photo because look at where those little hands were! In my silver ware drawer!!! The ultimate multi-tasker.
Quote of the day: When you can do a common thing in an uncommon way; you will command the attention of the world. ~ George Washington Carver
Ilona bestowed the ornaments on me and what my reader may not appreciate is the complexity of integrating our logo into the ornament. Ilona worked on this process for weeks until she got it just right. I think she did a beautiful job and what I like about these ornaments are two things.... they are handmade and supporting the work of the Chris Lantos Foundation (since we made a personal donation to the Foundation). So to me these are not just ornaments, but a meaningful thank you gift.
My friend and I were talking tonight about our sons' bedrooms. When is the "right" time to clean out your child's room after he/she dies? I am not sure there is a good answer, as I am sure the answer varies for each of us. I have heard that some bereaved parents never changed a thing in their child's room, even after twenty years. I have also heard some parents addressing the room right away, and anything in between. It is a personal decision and one that I am not sure the outside world looking in would understand.
In 2009, The Washington Post came to interview us. In the process they snapped this photo as I was showing them the state of Mattie's room. The room was no longer usable, as it turned into a warehouse, filled with all the gifts and items Mattie received daily. This is a component of Mattie's cancer journey that doesn't always get addressed. But the amount of items coming in daily for 14 months were overwhelming. I never complained as these items distracted Mattie and truly helped us get through long days in the hospital. Yet after Mattie died, every one of these items stared at me daily. It was painful and I felt like we were living in an episode of hoarders. However, it took me over five years to face this hoard head on. I did it alone, no one was around to help me by this point. The reason I did it? Well it wasn't because I cared about the stuff piling up around me, it wasn't that I needed the space, but here's the reason...... I did not feel this room represented Mattie's life well. The room was chaotic and showed the havoc of our lives. I no longer could easily see Mattie's creations or the beautiful things he created. It was this, that inspired me to clean out. I wanted the room to better reflect the beauty of Mattie.
2 comments:
Hello Brown Family,
I came across your blog webpage in search of a blog that involves a child who has/had cancer. Although these blog posts were not written by Mattie himself, I must say that your blogs truly are brave and inspirational, and I admire you because like Mattie, you are a warrior. I specifically decided to comment on this post because I believe that coming face to face with cleaning up a deceased loved one's room is an emotional task. I remember when my mother and I had to clean up all of my father's belongings when he passed away. A major part of me did not want to be a part of this because that would mean that I would truly have to face the reality that he was gone. Having his belongings in the house still made me hold onto the idea that he was going to walk through the front door any second. However, eventually every one has to face the music.
I found it very admirable that you chose to fix his room in a way that resembled his memory to you rather than to pack everything up. I admire this blog webpage because just like his room, you are keeping Mattie's memory alive. God bless you all.
May God bless your family. The love is so evident.
We are in the process of adopting a child in Mobile AL and pray for the health of all babies and mothers.
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