Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2008. That week we took Mattie to NYC to be evaluated by a big cancer institution to confirm the treatment plan presented to us in Washington, DC. In addition, this hospital was offering an experimental treatment, and we needed to sign up for it at that institution first in order to get it administered at Mattie's hospital. That day we took Mattie to the Natural History Museum, as Mattie was fascinated by dinosaurs. But you can see from this photo that Mattie was going through a difficult time and the stress was taking its toll on his mood, personality, and spirit.
Quote of the day: Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go. ~ Jamie Anderson
It was another nutty day of driving all over the place. In the midst of this chaos, I have been reflecting on a house Peter, my mom, and I toured several weekends ago. We went to this open house and immediately Peter and I took notice of the butterfly themed art work, collectibles, and photos all around the house. Most people at the open house probably saw these things but had NO IDEA the meaning. Unfortunately we got it right away. We knew this signified child loss. So Peter asked the realtor the significance of the décor and we were correct. The couple's teenage daughter died tragically in a car crash. Naturally we absorbed this information, the tributes to this girl throughout the house, and even the memorial plaque in their backyard.
Weeks later, we are still talking about this. This 19 year old died in 2005. When she died, the family was living in a completely different part of Virginia. They moved to the house we visited years after their daughter died. Therefore, their daughter never lived in this current house. Do note however, that her parents have a bedroom for her in this house and it is decorated most likely the way it was in their previous house. I mean every detail is reflected in this room from photos, stuffed animals, and other items a kid/teen would cherish and display in one's room. This whole notion bothered my mom. She couldn't understand why this family decided to reserve a room in their new house for their daughter. After all this teenager is not alive and can't ever use it.
Certainly I get my mom's perspective but having the lived experience of child loss, I also understand that these decisions are personal. What works for one bereaved parent, may not work for the next. What I do know is we have to find a way to deal with the grief and loss in our own way. So if preserving their daughter's room gives them peace and they feel this is a tribute to her life, then who are we to judge?
What also caught my attention is the fact that their daughter died 17 years ago and yet by touring their house it is very clear that for them it is ever present and time has played no part in their healing process. Not that I feel vindicated by this, as this brings me no happiness for them. But it does confirm my feelings that forever losses are just that..... you don't get over them, ever! You just find a way somehow to continue living while carrying this grief.
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