Tuesday, August 29, 2023

Tuesday, August 29, 2023 -- Mattie died 726 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2008. Mattie was with his physical therapist, Anna. Since Mattie just started treatment, Mattie and Anna were getting to know each other. Anna understood that he was going to have several limb salvaging surgeries, so in essence she wanted to get Mattie used to being in a wheelchair. Keep in mind that at this point Mattie was fully capable of walking. But Anna wanted him to experience doing his therapy in a wheelchair and to work his arm muscles. I must admit when I first saw the wheelchair come out, I was taken aback. I had NO insight for what our future was going to hold, and the simple fact that after his surgeries Mattie never independently walked again. I am happy that I had no concept of this reality back in August of 2008. I was naïve then and was still wrapping my head around the cancer diagnosis. 

Quote of the day: The most critical time in any battle is not when I’m fatigued, it’s when I no longer care. ~ Craig D. Lounsbrough

This morning after my usual routine of one task after the other, I decided to sit outside on our porch for about two hours. I brought a book with me. My dad was at his memory care center and my mom was exhausted. Though I would have loved to close my eyes and rest, I just can't. I am too wired and conditioned to be up by day, that resting is impossible. The inability to shut down, gives me insight into my level of agitation and anxiety. 

I started reading a book by a local author. I run into this woman all the time at our local Starbucks. We have chatted with her numerous times, as she has given her seat to my mom on several occasions. I decided to buy her two books, particularly because the books are about relationships and finding one's self. They are both works of fiction. I must admit that I have struggled to get into her book, as I don't quite relate to her main character. A woman who has left home, moved out of the country, left her responsibilities behind, in order to find herself. She admits to being self focused and selfish and that this is her time in her life. Mind you she is only in her 30s. This is a character I just can't relate to and I will give it a few more chapters to try to find some redemption in the story line. 

While sitting outside, I had the hummingbird feeder overhead and hummingbirds buzzing all around me. They are fearless little creatures!

I caught one in mid-flight. Do you see him?

This afternoon, I picked up my dad and I took my parents to the Cheesecake Factory. It is about ten minutes from our home. I was too tired to make the trip I originally had planned to Alexandria, VA. Fortunately I decided to stay close to home, because my dad seemed wiped out. Once I got him in the car and drove to the restaurant, he needed to use the restroom right away. I have told his memory care center to take my dad to the bathroom before sending him out to the car. I could be talking to myself, because the problem continues to happen. Not only did he have to go to the bathroom, but I needed to change him, as he was sitting in a completely wet pad/depends. Needless to say, I wrote to the center immediately and told them that this problem happened yet again. Eating with my dad today was less than peaceful. I was jumping up and down constantly and now I feel like whatever I have eaten is making me sick. So once I finish typing, I am headed to walk and get fresh air, in hopes that this helps.