Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2007, during our trip to Lancaster, PA. As we were driving by a field, we saw a big rainbow like pad on the ground. It caught our attention, and we stopped the car. As we approached it, we could see that this pad was actually a trampoline. But it was like NO trampoline I had ever seen, it was flat on the ground and not elevated. Mattie had a great time bouncing, running, and jumping on this thing, which was out in the middle of a field. Certainly an unexpected surprise!
Poem of the day: Gone but Not Forgotten by Kelsey Y. Sheppard
You were so full of life,
Always smiling and carefree,
Life loved you being a part of it,
And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh,
If they were having a bad day,
No matter how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could ever stop you,
Or even make you fall,
You were ready to take on the world,
Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left,
But you took a piece of all of us,
Our hearts are what you kept.
Your seat is now empty,
And it's hard not to see your face,
But please always know this,
No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning,
Not even saying good-bye,
And I can't seem to stop,
Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same,
The halls are empty without your laughter,
But I know you're in Heaven,
Watching over us and looking after.
I didn't see this coming,
It hit me by surprise,
And when you left this world,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.
At today's board meeting, I was given the opportunity to tell the members a little bit about Mattie and about the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. Naturally the board was aware of what I was dealing with, since I have been absent physically from my position for over a year. However, I think hearing about the story live, makes an impact on those who are listening. I could see people visibly moved. As one board member said, it is hard to read Mattie's blog sometimes because I am reporting on a mother's worst nightmare. Therefore, in a way, the pain that I am reporting gets people to pause, because they can't help but wonder what they would do if faced with the same crisis. Some times I realize that others look at me and are amazed at what I accomplished. Yes Peter and I tackled many things from learning about osteosarcoma, learning to navigate through a medical system, and the most challenging was managing the treatment and its after math. Now of course, our life challenge is living without Mattie. However, as a parent, when your child is faced with a life threatening illness, you tap into personal reserves you never knew existed. It was very thoughtful for the association president to give me this chance to talk about Mattie and it was very meaningful to me to hear board members' input, questions, and feedback.
At the end of the board meeting, I had to say good-bye to the members. I have served on the board for three years, and this concludes my service. It was a bittersweet good-bye, since for two years, I really couldn't adequately serve my position. This greatly disappoints me, but in the end, Mattie's life and my time with him was more important. There was never any doubt in my mind about my priorities. However, after all the board members left the room, one remained. This board member and I had a chance to chat. I had the honor of hearing about his life, and though this is his story, not mine, I therefore can't detail it here, but suffice it to say, the conversation I had with him was very powerful. I began to realize that fate brought me there today to talk with him, to hear about his amazing life, and to share tears. He did express to me that God was with me always, and that he hasn't forgotten me. As I told him, his story moved me and I admired his courage to share it with me. It was as if I was meant to hear this story, like he says others are meant to hear mine. After today, I can attest to the fact that it is possible to meet a person, someone you may not know very well, and this connection can be life altering. I had this type of connection today. What we say to each other can make all the difference in the world, and it is my hope that some day I can return this kindness by finding a person who needs a listening ear and a word of encouragement, and through this interaction provide them with a ray of hope. That is what I received today, besides a real human connection, I received a ray of hope. The whole conversation was very inspiring that I left crying and continued crying on the car ride home.
It was interesting to hear what many of the mental health professionals in the meeting today had to say about grief. After all, they do a lot of this work with their clients. What I came to see is that the process is just complicated, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and I just felt verified in my own thinking about grief work. Another board member handed me a gift today. I opened it when I got home and it was an adorable little handcrafted box with doves on it. Doves have great significance to me, since we had a mother dove who built a nest and laid her eggs on our deck last year. Mattie was fascinated by the process, and ironically, we have another mother dove who has returned to the same window box this year. I can't think about the mourning dove, without thinking about Mattie. So in essence this was a very meaningful gift to me. Today was not the day I had expected. I found telling Mattie's story very helpful and I appreciated the opportunity to be heard.
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