Mattie Miracle Walk 2023 was a $131,249 success!

Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation Promotional Video

Thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive!

Dear Mattie Blog Readers,

It means a great deal to us that you take the time to write to us and to share your thoughts, feelings, and reflections on Mattie's battle and death. Your messages are very meaningful to us and help support us through very challenging times. To you we are forever grateful. As my readers know, I promised to write the blog for a year after Mattie's death, which would mean that I could technically stop writing on September 9, 2010. However, at the moment, I feel like our journey with grief still needs to be processed and fortunately I have a willing support network still committed to reading. Therefore, the blog continues on. If I should find the need to stop writing, I assure you I will give you advanced notice. In the mean time, thank you for reading, thank you for having the courage to share this journey with us, and most importantly thank you for keeping Mattie's memory alive.


As Mattie would say, Ooga Booga (meaning, I LOVE YOU)! Vicki and Peter



The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation celebrates its 7th anniversary!

The Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation was created in the honor of Mattie.

We are a 501(c)(3) Public Charity. We are dedicated to increasing childhood cancer awareness, education, advocacy, research and psychosocial support services to children, their families and medical personnel. Children and their families will be supported throughout the cancer treatment journey, to ensure access to quality psychosocial and mental health care, and to enable children to cope with cancer so they can lead happy and productive lives. Please visit the website at: www.mattiemiracle.com and take some time to explore the site.

We have only gotten this far because of people like yourself, who have supported us through thick and thin. So thank you for your continued support and caring, and remember:

.... Let's Make the Miracle Happen and Stomp Out Childhood Cancer!

A Remembrance Video of Mattie

August 3, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010


Monday, August 2, 2010

Tonight's Picture was taken at one of Mattie's favorite "adventure" places, Calvert Cliffs, in southern Maryland.   We used to go there and spend a day, as it is about a mile and a quarter walk through beautiful woods and along a swamp, and then empties out on a beach on the Chesapeake Bay, where if you look carefully, you can find fossil shark's teeth.  We would pack a picnic lunch, and drive the two hours each way, then walk through the woods down to the beach, sit, eat, and explore and most importantly enjoy the experience together.  Mattie was always very energized by this trip, so we would go there a few times a summer and enjoy.  What special moments those were, and more importantly, how glad I am that we had those moments together.  Just look at him: he's full of life, excitement and clearly having just a great time! No electronics, tv, flashy games or craziness... just a boy, his shovel, the water and the chance to find a prize in the water!

Poem of the day: Anniversary day by Charlie Brown


It's an anniversary you say
That should be a happy day.
Then tell me why you look so sad
And why this day seems so bad.
For this was his diagnosis day
Our dreams have gone astray.
Our little boy is no longer here
And every day now brings a tear.
I know it's hard but don't look away
Just help me through this anniversary day.


Vicki asked for a break tonight from writing, and so she asked me to share some thoughts with you. We remember these trips to Calvert cliffs so vividly. We would start mid-morning after preparing lunch, and then spend time talking, joking and observing things on the ride down to Calvert Cliffs. Mattie was a real trooper on these car rides and would usually spend some time watching a DVD video, or being read to or just chatting with us.  Mattie rarely slept in the car and if he did, it would be for either 15 minutes at most and/or just as we arrived home.  Having a child who was "always on" was a challenge from day one, and one which exhausted us.  In retrospect, we are fortunate to have some many energizing experiences although at the time it seemed debilitating.  It's amazing how events in your life can completely change your viewpoint and values.

We find ourselves these days wishing parents a good summer and unconsciously asking them about their plans, almost as if to remind them not to squander their chances to spend some quality time and make wonderful memories with their children. Summer is very hard for us since this is the first summer without Mattie, and the first summer in two years where we were not focused on Mattie and his illness. I find Mondays very hard at work since people typically ask me how was my weekend. I used to answer in the old manner (pre-Mattie's illness and death) but now I mostly just tell them "it was not good." I find that few people now ask me about our weekends or plans outside of work. Although we want to be happy for other people, our own joy is absent, and what is left are the memories of what once was, which are quickly dashed by the painful memory that Mattie is gone. I believe that only two or three people in my office ever let a conversation stray to the topic of Mattie or his loss, and although those 2-3 are supportive, I am hurt that others never want to talk about it. Can you imagine that if you're a parent, and you are never asked nor can you talk about your children?!  It's just crazy and I know it impacts me in a negative way.

I find that each night when Vicki sits down at the computer to write the blog, she has a hard time getting started.  The routine usually entails searching through our thousands of electronic pictures, searching for some inspiration that will help write at night. The journey is always a hard one as we have file folders from 2002 and for each year until present. Whenever I go back in years, and open a folder, I am sometimes overwhelmed by the flood of images and memories as each thumbnail opens for a particular month and I start to focus on the pictures. It's like hitting the fast-rewind button as I am suddenly wisked back to the year, the month, the location and the time when these images were captured. I see the images of Mattie and although I am there trying to select a picture for the blog, I cannot help but remember our dear, sweet boy, and that's when the emotions can get the best of you. But the picture search each night forces me to look again at Mattie, and it helps to remind me of all his traits, his face and sweet smile, his eyes and of course his energy and love of life. Mattie's imagination practically jumps out of each picture, and in many of the images it brings back memories long since stored away, about the particular context or situation he was in when the image was shot. It brings both smiles and tears, but is all that we are left with these days.

I would like to end tonight's blog with two messages. The first message is from my friend Charlie. Charlie wrote, "The mind builds pathways to help us cope with things so we can do them automatically, without thought. Just like driving a car to work, you start out and then suddenly you are there without really being aware of the trip. So it is with situations like this. You learned to do things automatically and when your mind starts that process, triggered by a date or an event you find yourself, back in the cancer care mode. But of course, Mattie is no longer here to receive that care so you suffer the shock of his loss all over again. With time, as you no longer travel that pathway to the hospital, and all that entailed, that automatic response will diminish. I hope that you can hold on to the more positive pathways while leaving these really painful ones behind. I do think that you are right and Mattie was riding along with Peter. I think Mattie was trying to tell you that he is with you but in a place beyond the pain and hurt that cancer causes in your life. Today as I head off for a few days away, I will take you and Peter with me in spirit and send you healing wishes. I hold you gently in my thoughts."

The second message is from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "So much has filled my head and heart since reading the weekend updates. Like a roller coaster, our emotions ebb and flow with the moment when grieving. I had to take a deep breath when I read that it was Aug. 8th when you learned the full diagnosis for Mattie. You know the special significance of this date for me. Some days when I read the blog, I wonder, how do Vicki and Peter do it? Today I know why because of children like Abigail, Jackson, and Tommy. These young people, along with all the others, Katarina, etc. never forget. Tommy said it beautifully when he spoke of courage and having never met Mattie, yet, he knew how to remember him. Tommy did capture your story eloquently. Each of your stories attached to the daily picture speaks of Mattie's courage and purpose while fighting his battle. I agree that I don't know if I would have the ability to deal with cancer the way that Mattie did. Of course, part of his resilience came from the love and devotion that Peter and you showed him. He always knew that he was never alone and we know that you are never alone. I loved what you said to Peter when he opened the back door of the car. Yup, another sign of Mattie! I could picture your face when you looked into the living room to see the Legos put away. It does take one's breath away to realize that you must make room for new experiences when you are missing Mattie so much. Some things are best left to another. Peter has been your rock in this instance. I am in awe of the love and compassion that you both have. Thank you for sharing the photos of your birthday party. It was very special of Tina to host it and the necklace is a treasure to behold. So clever to give you a catalog of each giver and bead, just like a box of Whitman's chocolates. You'll always know which one you'll need on a particular day."

FRIENDS by Nancy Heller Moskowitz

What makes a friend?
Some days it seems like they never end.
I didn't want to celebrate,
And all these ladies, couldn't wait,
To surround me with love and comfort.
They came with stories, laughter, and cheer.
Did someone remember to bring the beer?
And gifts that captured my heart,
A necklace that could only start
to take my breath away.
It was then that I realized,
I am blessed with ladies,
Who pass the test,
of hearing my needs,
Even though not spoken!

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