Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. Mattie was still in preschool when this photo was taken and at this point still wanted Peter's assistance and really wanted him to accompany him on all the activities at this fall festival. When I compare these photos to the ones I have been posting, from 2007, there were big changes that occurred in a year. By kindergarten, Mattie became much more independent and wanted to do all these activities by himself. Which was an adjustment at least for me. I had grown accustomed to doing everything with Mattie, but of course understood that Mattie had to develop and mature, and this was
ultimately needed for his healthy development.
Quote of the day: My mind turned by anxiety, or other cause, from its scrutiny of blank paper, is like a lost child–wandering the house, sitting on the bottom step to cry. ~ Virginia Woolf
My friend Tina sent me a text message today to tell me about a Science Friday radio interview featuring a medical doctor by the name of Atul Gawande. Dr. Gawande is a professor at Harvard Medical School and a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. He just wrote a book entitled, Facing Mortality, As a doctor. This is a fascinating title when you think about it because the nature of medicine is the heal, treat, and in most cases cure people of their ills. In fact, doctors do very well when they are doing just that..... DOING! When they have nothing to do and assess, my experience is, things become much more grey and complex for them and you as the patient! I saw it in Mattie's case as he was approaching death and I see it in my own medical case when there is NO data to explain how I am feeling. I love those circumstances, because without data, guess what? To a doctor, your problem doesn't exist. Instead, you can tell they are thinking you need a psych consult instead. The problem with all of this is many doctors do not work to coordinate care and therefore they only work in their own fiefdom (or specialty area) not seeing the bigger picture of how each of your body's systems may impact the other. But I digress.
When Mattie was battling cancer, it probably is no surprise to learn that Peter and I couldn't accept the fact that he was dying. After all we were his parents! But I have to tell you, a majority of his treatment team couldn't talk to us about this issue either! It was only two nurses in particular who had the courage to approach me with this news! So I imagine when Tina heard this radio broadcast today about a doctor who wrote a book on this topic, she felt I would want to hear this because what he was saying would resonate with me. Which it did. I included the link to his transcript below, but I copied a paragraph from his article below which to me was the most meaningful:
We had no difficulty explaining the specific dangers of various treatment options, but we never really touched on the reality of his disease. His oncologists, radiation therapists, surgeons, and other doctors had all seen him through months of treatments for a problem that they knew could not be cured. We could never bring ourselves to discuss the larger truth about his condition or the ultimate limits of our capabilities, let alone what might matter most to him as he neared the end of his life. If he was pursuing a delusion, so were we. Here he was in the hospital, partially paralyzed from a cancer that had spread throughout his body. The chances that he could return to anything like the life he had even a few weeks earlier were zero. But admitting this and helping him cope with it seemed beyond us. We offered no acknowledgment or comfort or guidance. We just had another treatment he could undergo. Maybe something very good would result.
I think this paragraph says it all! But it isn't only the field of medicine that has this issue. Medicine reflects our broader societal thinking, discomfort, and fear with death. How do we talk about it with our loved ones and how to we acknowledge death? Mind you Dr. Gawande, I hate to say it, is talking ONLY about the death of adults in this article, I would like to see how he handles untimely deaths, like that of a child!? If he is uncomfortable with adults dying, I imagine he would have a field day with children. In either case, I think his radio interview does give us a lot to reflect upon which to me seem quite accurate from my own experiences in the medical world. I think the fact that he is identifying the problem, calling it out, and verbalizing it is a good thing and I wonder if his book suggests ways to address and combat the issue? After all, acknowledging, comforting, and guiding patients should be part of a doctor's job description. They are treating people not cars, machines, and computers. If they wanted to have no human emotions factored into the treatment equation then I honestly think something went wrong when they chose their profession. It gives me hope when I see doctors, and this one is also a surgeon, who speak out for connecting with their patients and advocating for them to have the best quality and dignity of life.
Facing Mortality, As a doctor:
http://sciencefriday.com/blogs/10/09/2014/facing-mortality-as-a-doctor.html?series=33
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