Tonight's picture was taken in October of 2006. We took Mattie to a Fall Festival, and I asked him to pose by a ruler so we could see how tall he was and we could always remember that moment in time. I loved his big smile on his face and how the pumpkin seemed to be looking right at him! In addition, to Mattie having a great time, behind him you can see Peter, who was just a proud and happy dad. Peter took his role seriously and was always there to help guide, play, and nurture Mattie. I never had to tell him what was needed he just rose to the occasion.
Quote of the day: Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind. And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it—just as we have learned to live with storms. ~ Paulo Coelho
In about a week and a half, Peter and I are scheduled to go to Toronto to present at a conference. To prepare for this conference, we have been reading several articles on the psychosocial consequences of losing a child to cancer. The ironic part of this is I feel like a case study on this issue and yet while reading these articles I have found them absolutely fascinating. Fascinating because in so many ways they are giving my plight a voice! They are describing the issues Peter and I are feeling, thinking, and certainly the physical and emotional concerns that I deal with on a regular basis. These articles helped me see that I am NOT alone. There are others out there just like me. Though I am not happy other bereaved parents go through the same problems as me, I did feel validated to hear this in very concrete terms. To me this was the best kept secret and the secret which you don't see in the common literature but which is out there in the research literature. Here is the fact, and it is that.............
Parents of children who die from cancer have higher anxiety, higher rates of depression, prolonged grief, poor psychological well-being, poor physical health and poor quality of life.
This of course is a broad summary of several studies, but nonetheless it is very meaningful especially when you find yourself as one of the statistics they are referring to. I am signing off for tonight but did want to share my initial thinking with you, as I am sure more of my reflections will be coming as I further my research into this subject matter.
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