Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Tuesday, December 8, 2020 -- Mattie died 584 weeks ago today. 

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2003. This was Mattie's second trip on an airplane and his first Christmas in Los Angeles. Traveling with Mattie required a big bag of tricks. Toys, hotwheel cars, puzzles, you name it! Not to mention lots of sippy cups filled with milk. Mattie never slept a wink on a flight, so in order to manage the 5 hour flight, we had to be armed and ready! In fact, I recall several times loaning books and items to fellow passengers who were desperate to keep their children entertained while flying. 

Quote of the day: Today's coronavirus update from Johns Hopkins.

• number of people diagnosed with the virus: 15,137,712
• number of people who died from the virus: 285,779

In 2003, I graduated from the George Washington University. One of the many things I had to do to receive my degree, was to do original research and write a dissertation. Did you know that the title of my dissertation was, The relationship among the use and non-use of eldercare services, self -efficacy, and job satisfaction on the perceived stress of employed caregivers of older adults. I was always fascinated by family caregivers and the incredible energy, passion, and selflessness they bring to their vital roles. Back in 2003, I wasn't a stranger to caregiving, as my maternal grandmother suffered a stroke in 1990 and my mom became her full time caregiver. I got to witness first hand the stresses and physical and emotional toll caregiving took on my mom. Then of course in 2008 I had my own experience with Mattie and now flying back and forth across the country to help my parents. I can't seem to NOT BE a caregiver. 

I was on a phone call today with someone I work with, and when she heard I was scheduled to fly back to California in a week or so, I got a lecture. A lecture on self care and you know the line.... you the take care of yourself first in order to be able to help others! 

Hearing about self care for me is like petting a cat backwards. I don't need to hear the obvious! I know all about the stresses I have and are under. Reminding me about them, without solutions and help, is futile frankly. After experiencing Mattie's cancer journey, I learned quickly NEVER to use certain words again. Starting with self care. The only thing self care triggers in caregivers is guilt and agitation. Those on the outside have to know that burdening caregivers with the mantra of self care is counter productive, because the one thing a caregiver is good at doing is more work and more tasks. Caregivers are not programmed to focus on ourselves. Especially when we deem others around us need support. Therefore, I think people need to give us more credit, and have faith in us that we will find the time to care for ourselves when we can and when we are able. In the mean time, perhaps be more patient and forgiving with us as some things do fall through the cracks when we are on overload.