Tonight's picture was taken in April of 2009. Mattie was being discharged from the hospital and as you can see he accumulated MANY birthday balloons over the course of that particular admission. Honestly when I look at this photo I have absolutely NO IDEA how Mattie could smile. Given all that he was enduring and how he was feeling, he truly was a remarkable fellow. One thing was for certain and that was Mattie trusted Peter and me, he believed we were making the best decisions for him, and together we were a strong three-some.
Quote of the day: In deep sadness there is no place for sentimentality. ~ William S. Burroughs
Today was my dad's first time at the adult day memory care program. I honestly did not know how it was going to go. On the car trip over to the center (it is only a ten minute drive), my dad asked me repeatedly where we were going. Why he was going, what he was going to do there, and the list went on. By the time I got to the center, I was wondering whether we should just turn around and go home. But I got out of the car, and got him to the front door. There were many drop offs happening at one time, so in my opinion it was chaotic. We waited by the front door for a minute until someone came to unlock it and help my dad inside. I wasn't allowed inside, so I had to tell them who my dad was, hand them over a change of his clothes and depends undergarments, as well as a check for the month of April. Hoping of course that all these items went to the correct place or person. I am very type A, so given the chaos I saw, I left with very little confidence.
As soon as I got home, I wrote to one of the staff members at the center and told them that I dropped off my dad and left his items and check with someone at the front door. My dad spent four hours at the center and Peter and my mom picked him up at 2pm, because I was at my annual physical exam.
When I got back home, I asked my dad about his day! He remembered NOTHING. I mean NOT ONE THING!!! He had no idea even if he had lunch there or had a snack. I know he must have given the center's schedule. But it is a scary notion that he can't remember one activity, one person, or even whether he ate. In all reality he could be doing God knows what there, or not do anything at all. Without seeing it for myself, I am truly working in the dark. Which doesn't fit my personality.
I also noticed that my dad came back home today without his red fleece, the jacket I dropped him off with. Again this to me is sloppy and shows a poor level of organization. When you are caring for a large number of people, organization and a system are crucial otherwise this happens. I am hoping to track down his fleece and learn their system. Because I can't have his jackets and things disappearing on a regular basis. Mind you I asked whether items needed to be labeled before I dropped him off. I was assured this wasn't necessary.
Meanwhile, before going to my physical, I started cooking a big leg of lamb. It is my Easter treat, as I am not cooking at home on Easter Sunday. Instead we are going out. I had hoped to plan a dinner and have close friends over, but I just don't have it in me. A rather sad commentary for our first Easter in our new home. In fact, there is very little joy in having a new home, given all that I am balancing on any given day. When I got my blood test results back today, I was expecting total chaos in the data, given how I am feeling. Fortunately I remain stable overall, but I am glad my doctor is having me take a CT of the heart and to get a coronary calcium score, because given my parent's history, I want to be very proactive.
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