Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. That weekend we took Mattie to Dutch Wonderland in Pennsylvania. It was a park with all sorts of rides, including rollercoasters. Peter mentioned to me the other day that before going on a rollercoaster, he took Mattie on a water ride. I frankly did not remember that until I saw this photo. Mattie enjoyed this ride so much that Peter then decided to take Mattie on his first rollercoaster ride. It turns out that Mattie LOVED rides, and particularly enjoyed rollercoasters. The total opposite of me! I am so glad that Mattie and Peter got to experience this joy together.
Quote of the day: When the hard things happen to us it enables us to be there for someone else later. ~ Dawn Camp
Peter is flying to Boston today. He is headed to see his parents, because together they will be driving to Connecticut on Saturday to visit his uncle. Peter's uncle is facing a tough cancer journey, and the family is rallying together for support. I am saddened I can't be there, but given my parent's situation, it just isn't possible to make this trip.
I selected tonight's quote because I do think going through difficult times enables us to help others. We can help others because we have learned the WORDS that are necessary to convey the thoughts and feelings one faces and contends with on a similar journey. That may sound funny, but I do think with each life lesson, we enhance our vocabulary. Yes our vocabulary! As most of us aren't born with, or develop certain skill sets and the words necessary to adapt and survivor with certain crises. Instead, we learn these words, have these insights, and integrate them into our minds, hearts, and spirit because we have the lived experience.
Because I am unable to go to Boston, I got little gifts and wrote cards to Peter's uncle, his wife, and each of his children. Most people may have a challenging time figuring out what to write, given the circumstances. However, to me talking about cancer, the loss associated with this diagnosis, and the fear of dying are all natural to me. I can talk about them almost easier than other common place topics. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but it is my reality. I am very comfortable in this space, and probably less comfortable with the more normal aspects of life.
Today two of my friends came over to chat with my parents and then we went out to lunch together. Peter stayed home with my dad, and we took my mom out. Though my friends ultimately want to support me, I do think that my mom is the one who benefits from these visits and outings. All I know is I feel stressed on every level and what I find most challenging is NOT the daily tasks I do (though they are exhausting), it is not having a minute to myself. Not having the freedom to make my own decisions, and have independent relationships and conversation. It is hard to describe what I am talking about, all I know is I feel frustrated and in need of my own space. Putting how I feel aside, I am very lucky to have such wonderful friends who care and are trying to help change up my daily routine.
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