Sunday, March 12, 2023

Sunday, March 12, 2023

Tonight's picture was taken in March of 2009. That day, Mattie was invited to the hospital to attend the ceremony for the launching of the children's art gallery. Mattie was excited to attend, especially since he contributed art work for the exhibition! Ironically Mattie's creative story is still on display within this gallery. Next to Mattie was Kathleen, one of his outstanding HEM/ONC nurses. They both made a silly face for the camera, and I caught them in action. Mattie's nurses are incredible women. Competent, fierce advocates, and deeply compassionate. 

Quote of the day: We need to remind ourselves of the beauty of human connection and of nature and pull ourselves out of devices for a moment and appreciate what it is just to be human beings. ~ Olivia Wilde

Have you ever heard of this game? I know I haven't! Peter and I have been invited over to our neighbor's house this evening to play Five Crowns. We will be playing with our neighbor and her oldest son. 

Naturally if you have been reading my blog for the last year plus, you know I don't do social things anymore. Much less get out of the house if it isn't to take my parents to appointments our out to eat. 

I am going for multiple reasons. One is that it is right next door, two, my parents will have had dinner already and by that point will be relaxing in the family room, and three, my neighbor understands that I am a full-time caregiver and can only stay for an hour or two at the most. 

But to say that I get anxious now regarding any sort of socialization is to put things mildly. I realize my life isn't normal and seeing people's reaction to what I am balancing makes me edgy. In addition, my ability to interact and play with children is rusty. After Mattie died, my time with children has been little to non-existent. There is an art form to playing with children and all I know is I am tired, exhausted, and therefore not as with it and in tune as I once was. I do think intense caregiving can suck the life out of you and between that and the clocks moving forward an hour, I am dragging today. 

Any case, wish my luck with learning to play Five Crowns and being able to make a normal human connection.