Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2009. By that point, we knew that Mattie's cancer had metastasized and that he was going to die. One of the things Mattie always wanted, even prior to getting cancer was a big ride on vehicle. Prior to getting cancer, this request was always met with a NO. It was an expensive toy, that I figured would be exciting for about a week, and then Mattie would move on. However, when your child has cancer and his wish is to drive a ride on vehicle, guess what? YOU GET THE RIDE ON VEHICLE. That day we bought the car and assembled it on our deck. Mattie named it "Speedy Red." I will never forget how Mattie took to driving like a duck to water. He had a natural understanding for the gas and brake pedals and to this day, I still have the steering wheel from Speedy Red. As Mattie got weaker and weaker, we had to lift him into Speedy Red, while hooked up to a pain pump and a portal oxygen machine. As long as Mattie was able, we made his Speedy Red wish possible.
Quote of the day: Every day she felt unnerved by how reasonable her love and her fury, which had become one, seemed. She spent most days feeling stunned, aware only of a sort of rage swirling loose inside her like a rainstorm gathering speed, and it frightened her to think of what might happen if she were to let it implode. ~ Huma Qureshi (book: Things We Do Not Tell The People We Love)
This morning, I left my parents at the breakfast table, while I went upstairs to the bathroom, so I could leave the house and take my dad to his foot doctor appointment. When I came back downstairs, I found my dad sitting in the chair I left him in, but while seated he was moaning and sliding the chair along the floor. He was trying to reach his walker to go to the bathroom. As I observed what was going on, I went over to help him immediately and then started screaming! In fact it was a day filled with screaming. I can tolerate a lot, but I can no longer tolerate disrespect, cluelessness, and selfishness. To this I put my foot down. I asked my mom whether she was observing what was happening right in front of her. Of course she didn't, as she had her nose in her phone and wasn't paying a bit of attention to my dad.
Before leaving the house, I told my mom that the water removal people were coming back this morning. Since I wasn't going to be home, I told my mom that she had to oversee what was going on. When I got to the foot doctor appointment, I noticed all the staff in the office had completely changed. The doctor's assistant escorted us to an exam room and got my dad set up for his appointment. When I asked her what happened to the previous assistant, she told me that she was accepted to medical school. Literally without a filter on my mouth, I said.... this was the last thing I expected to hear. This previous assistant was a clueless wonder. She had a dopey expression on her face, never made eye contact, didn't get to know us (and we are there every 9 weeks) and the list goes on. I can't imagine her in the field of medicine, much less becoming a doctor.
When my dad's foot doctor came in, she proceeded to tell me about the assistant that got into medical school. I told her I don't view this as a good career fit. My dad's foot doctor did not like my attitude, as she proceeded to tell me that this former assistant was very bright and a hard worker! My response was, I have no doubt that is true! But that doesn't mean she will be a good doctor. The foot doctor said that she wrote a glowing recommendation for this former assistant, and again without a filter, I said, I am sorry! Which translates into, that was a mistake. The foot doctor then snapped at me and asked me what my credentials are, at which point I told her I have a PhD, I am a licensed mental health provider, I run a childhood cancer non-profit, and have extensive experience advocating for patients in the healthcare system. I then told her ALL doctors for the most part are bright, but what distinguishes any doctor from an outstanding doctor, is that an outstanding doctor is capable of listening, getting to know their patients (beyond the numbers/data), to be compassionate and to include patients in their health care decisions. Truthfully this foot doctor didn't know how to handle me! Her reaction to what I was saying is that her former assistant will learn these psychosocial skills in her residency! At which point I said, ABSOLUTELY NOT! Residencies do not award physicians for their compassion and humanistic qualities, in fact, I would say residencies train doctors to dehumanize their patients. I can't tell you how many residents I endured during Mattie's treatment and I wouldn't be as bold as I was today, if I did not have countless examples to corroborate my opinion. Well I thought she was going to lose it, and we agreed at that point not to talk to each other.
Keep in mind before having this discussion about her former assistant, the exam started by learning that my dad was in the hospital for most of July. Do you think she asked me how he was doing? Is he better? NOTHING. Instead, after hearing he was in the hospital, she asked how we have spent our summer? She let us know that her summer was busy with family weddings and other events and she was tired of having all these events every weekend in the summer. Truthfully, can you imagine how I felt hearing this??? So I had this clueless dialogue followed by the one about her former assistant.
I had a contractor over today to discuss the repairs, but this will mean more legwork on my behalf, as I will have to pick out tile, a vanity, and other things myself! In my free time, time which I never get.
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