Tonight's picture was taken in September of 2007. Mattie was five years old. That day he came home from kindergarten with this creation. I enrolled Mattie in an after school club, called construction club. The club was run by his teacher and since Mattie was all about building and creating, I figured this would be right up his alley! I was 100% correct! Mattie loved the club, and it was there that he learned how to use a glue gun! In fact, he was a champ with the glue gun, and Mattie taught me how to use one! But here is what I observed.... the skills Mattie gained in construction club served him well when he was hospitalized. As Mattie loved using found materials around the hospital and clinic to build, design, and construct. Creating served as a positive diversion from the horrors of childhood cancer. It enabled Mattie to be a child, NOT a child with cancer.
Quote of the day: To lose a parent or a lifelong friend is often to lose the past: the person who died may be the only other living witness to golden events of long ago. But to lose a child is to lose the future: what is lost is no less than one’s life project—what one lives for, how one projects oneself into the future, how one may hope to transcend death (indeed, one’s child becomes one’s immortality project). ~ Irvin D. Yalom
If you read last night's blog posting, then you know I had a very difficult night! Which translated into a terrible night of sleep! I was able to fall asleep, but couldn't stay asleep because of my migraine and nausea. I got up this morning because I had previously booked an 11am appointment with my local bank manager. I have gotten to know this woman since my separation. She has been a God send. I thought I was going to talk with her about my savings account, but it turned out, she took this time to educate me and to create a plan to get me out of debt. Seriously, I call her my "miracle worker." Remember all my adult life, I did not manage my household finances and truly did not pay bills, deal with taxes, or address any financials associated with our life. Therefore, when I got separated and divorced, my learning curve have been exponential. Bordering on frightening. The problem with doing something for the first time is you don't even know what you should know or what questions to ask! Today I learned about credit card interest rates and since her goal is to make me stable again, I found her tutelage vitally important. She doesn't talk down to me, or treat me like I am stupid. But instead, walks me through things, writes things down, draws diagrams and we created a doable plan together.
Literally we spent over an hour together and she even had to get the tissue box out. As I was in tears. Not because of my debt, but because here was a woman who is committed to helping me. In fact, when the plan was in place, she then sat next to me and gave me a big hug. She said.... YOU GOT THIS and CAN DO THIS! I will be visiting her next week as well for a follow up appointment and my goal is to bake her cookies as a token of my appreciation. Yes she is doing her job, but it is how she is doing her job.... with patience, compassion, and collaboration.
My mom's fever broke over night and I believe the antibiotics are helping her. However, in my mind my dad is declining. He has absolutely NO memory left. He is disinterested in food and managing her irritable bowel issues are becoming problematic. When I say that I take it one day at a time, I mean it. Caregiving is daunting and overwhelming, but life without my parents is inconceivable, because when they die, I will be completely alone. For four years now, all aspects of my former life have slowly disappeared and therefore, I know I could never return to my previous life. That life died when I got divorced.
No comments:
Post a Comment