Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Tonight's picture was taken in May of 2008, in Calvert Cliffs Park in Maryland. We took Mattie to this park twice, and both times he loved it. This park is very memorable, because in order to get to the water, you have to walk a 1 mile nature trail through some of the most beautiful woods and swamp areas. The type of plants, birds, beavers, and other creatures along the way makes the walking path exciting for people of all ages. At the end of the nature trail, you come to a beach. The beach is known for it sharks teeth. Mattie loved combing through the sand, getting in the water, and hunting down sharks teeth (which are black and triangular shaped). He always left his journey with a prize, and clearly in the picture you can see that Mattie was all business as he combed the beach. In fact, I think he even brought back a tooth or two for his kindergarten teacher to add to her science table of artifacts in the classroom.

Poem of the day: The Dash by Linda Ellis


I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own; the cars .... the house... the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard ... are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left. (You could be at "dash mid-range")
If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more,
And love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile...
Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read with your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say about how you spend your dash??


Charlie sent me this poem today. I am familiar with this poem, but seeing it today made me stop and reflect. Mattie certainly lived his "dashes" and then some. However, I think Mattie's story has impacted all of our lives. Through him, it gives us great pause and forces us to stop and evaluate our "dashes." Or in other words, it makes us re-evaluate our own lives to determine how we want to spend our days on this earth. It would certainly be easy to turn inwards and focus on our own needs, but in all reality, the greatest gifts in life are, from my vantage point, obtained by truly caring for other human beings. Seeing Mattie die was one of the most painful experiences I will ever have in my life, but it is through this intense caregiving experience that I learned about true love, bravery, courage, and what gives ultimate meaning to one's life. After Mattie died, I desperately needed someone to devote my time, attention, and care to, and life presented me with the opportunity to help Ann with the caregiving of her dying dad. Certainly I could have walked away and turned inward. But something within me prevented me from doing this, and I am so happy I listened to my feelings, because I have found through intensely caring for Mattie and then Sully (Ann's dad), I found meaning, purpose, and clarity about life that I never had before. Through these two fellows, I feel as if my "dashes" and horizons have been expanded. Certainly in a painful way, but in a life altering and unforgettable way. It is ironic that I have learned more about life itself by helping two people die, than I gained through all my years of education or previous life experiences. So though Charlie sent me the poem as a reflection on Mattie's life, I couldn't help but also apply it to my own life. In some respects I have a feeling that Mattie's battle with cancer has inspired many of his blog readers to examine your "dashes" and to really evaluate what you want in your life and what matters.

I had the opportunity to meet with Christine (Campbell's mom) and Ellen (Charlotte's mom) today. Campbell and Charlotte were very close kindergarten friends of Mattie's. They were like the three amigos. We got together today to walk, get fresh air, and talk. The first time I met with them a couple of weeks back, I could bearly walk an hour. Today I walked for 90 minutes and then we had lunch together. However, toward the later part of the afternoon, I started to feel very fatigued and with that my migraine came on in full force. After talking with Christine and Ellen though, I realized just what a profound impact Mattie made on his friends' lives. His friends still think of him, talk about him, and as Halloween approaches miss not having him to share this fun holiday with them. I continue to be in awe of how Mattie's friends are processing his death, and they illustrate to me that children are indeed complex and they are deeply feeling and understand death on a much greater level than we give them credit for. Today, Christine said something to me that I will never forget. She said that losing Mattie's friendship for her son Campbell, has been very difficult. However, she wouldn't have it any other way, that she is so happy Mattie was a part of Campbell's life and would not trade that for anything, even if that meant Campbell now has to learn to grieve for Mattie. As we reflected on the times our boys had together, I started to cry, because we both came to the conclusion that this is not fair. This is not how life was supposed to be. Campbell and Mattie were a lot alike, and one of Campbell's main concerns now is how will Peter and I manage without Mattie because he surmises we are lonely. I found Campbell's insights very powerful, and I was touched that he could put himself in our shoes and see what a profound and traumatic loss this is for Peter and I.

I came home later today and rested. It seems to be the only thing I can do now when I am physically debilitated. As the evening wore on, I got it together and made dinner. Peter and I continued our new nightly routine of chatting while I am cooking and of course talked through dinner. We have a lot of talking time to make up for, after a year of turmoil. Tonight I cooked one of Mattie's favorite meals which is a ground chicken meatloaf recipe that I found years ago in the magazine Southern Living. Of course when I served it to Peter, I couldn't help but say, Mattie would have liked dinner tonight!

One piece of exciting news for today, yes I used the word EXCITING. Not a word I use often! The lawyers filed our Articles of incorporation today for the Mattie Miracle Cancer Foundation. Articles of incorporation is a legal document that is filed with the state to create a corporation. Nonprofit articles contain the organization’s basic information (name, registered agent, office address, etc.) and tax exemption information. We are in the process of filing paperwork with the IRS to get our tax ID number. So we are well on our way and stay tuned for more details.

I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from my friend, Charlie. Charlie wrote, "I went looking for this because somehow today when I read the blog what struck me first were the dates at the top of the blog. Then when I read about the anniversary dates I knew it was time to find this poem. If there was ever a person who filled that dash between the dates it was Mattie. He gave us all so much to love, admire, emulate and to celebrate; he lived his short life to the fullest. If each of us who prayed for and thought about and were touched by Mattie could have given him a day or even an hour of our lives to add to his, he would have been with us for a very long time. Unfortunately, life is not set up that way, but, I believe that Mattie's memory will live on far beyond his time here in the hearts and minds of all he touched in one way or another. Take time today and try to find some comfort in how much Mattie managed to squeeze into that "dash."



The second message is from one of Mattie's preschool teachers at Resurrection Children's Center. Lana wrote, "This message will probably have many "random" thoughts, since I've begun this email many times! First, Mattie's service was beautiful and I have really enjoyed your posting the messages from the speakers. From the slide show and here on the blog I've also sooo enjoyed the photos....the baby pictures are just precious, but of course, 3-4 year old Mattie holds a special place in my heart. Each morning when I check the blog, my heart aches for you. I remember the disoriented feelings I had after the death of my father and grandfather, but they had both lived full lives...I can't fathom who I would be if I lost my child..it's just so un-natural. I have to share some of my feelings about the blog....with some more lessons on Hawaiian culture! Hawaiians compose "name chants" as a group or society for their rulers, and on a personal level for their loved ones. Frequently, this happens when a child is born, and may be added to later, as accomplishments occur. After death, Hawaiians feel that when you chant about someone, or "call" their name, they "live" again. I feel that the blog each day "calls" Mattie's name and he lives again... The Hawaiian song that I quoted long ago is one of my favorite songs, and the artist who made it famous also a favorite. In fact, Keali'i Reichel gave the mystery donation from Hawaii. The lyrics, "Dream, sleep gently in my heart..." are from the song "Lei Hali'a," which means "A Lei of fond Remembrance." Lei's are symbols of of an embrace, and an embrace of beautiful memories is a a vision I have of Mattie."