Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2009, when Mattie went over to Katharina's house. Mattie was in love with Katharina's pet bird, Ginny. In fact, Tanja (Katharina's mom) reminded me on my birthday this year, that Mattie loved to collect Ginny's feathers. That was certainly true, but I did not recall this until I opened up Tanja's birthday card to me, and inside were some feathers of Ginny's taped to the card. Mattie most definitely would have approved of this card. Mattie loved animals and really was fascinated by their colors, their habits, and their desire (well at least domesticated animals) to connect with humans.
Quote of the day: Personally, I think we all don’t even start to climb out of the murky depths until we’ve fully explored them. ~ Rosalinda Raynes
As I am in search of quotes for the blog, I came across a website today dedicated to parents who lost a child. Within this website, I found many quotes by parents. Tonight's quote captured my attention because I couldn't agree more with Rosalinda. The death of a child is NOT natural and it is certainly far from NORMAL. In order to be able to accept that we are living and Mattie isn't, Peter and I have and continue to explore the "murky depths." Certainly I know it would be easier NOT to right now, but if we don't address and confront some of these thoughts and feelings, there will be no moving forward for us into the future. So our grief journey continues, and as we face another year without Mattie, we are seeing that more needs to be explored. With more time that passes, more feelings do arise.
I want to let my readers know that tomorrow, September 13, 2010, is an important date in the pediatric cancer world. In 2008, September 13, was designated as “National Childhood Cancer Awareness Day” as a result of a Senate resolution introduced by U.S. Senators Wayne Allard (R-Colo.) and Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY). Peter and I would like to encourage you to wear something that is GOLD (the symbolic color for pediatric cancer) and/or ORANGE (Mattie Miracle's color) tomorrow in recognition of this day.
I am a member of the Parents Against Childhood Cancer (PAC2) organization and I received their link to an article in Working Mother magazine today. I attached it below, and I encourage you to complete the on line survey as well (which is found directly embedded in the article). The survey is quick and I have a feeling you may know some of the facts presented already!
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The Facts and a statement from Parents Against Childhood Cancer (PAC2):
- Chances are about 1 in 300 any child will be diagnosed with cancer before age 20.
- Every day 40 to 50 children are diagnosed with cancer.
- 1 in 4 of these children will die within 5 years.
- 2 in 4 will survive 5 years but develop long-term, life-altering and threatening health problems.
- Only 1 in 4 will survive 5 years without major problems.
- There are no warning signs or unhealthy lifestyles. No regard to race, creed, color, religion, or socio-economic status.
Despite these facts, childhood cancer is considered "rare." Yet, does two classrooms of children diagnosed with cancer every school day, with one-half of a classroom dying from cancer, sound "rare?" It’s “rare” only if it’s not happening to your child. But for over 12,500 children and families in America this year, it will not be "rare." Each will discover the desperate need for increased funding specifically for childhood cancer research, while enduring the most devastating experience of their lives.
When many people hear childhood cancer, they may only think of St. Jude and TV ads with cancer kids with round faces (from steroids) and bald heads (from chemo). Yet while it is a leading childhood cancer research center, St. Jude doesn't work exclusively on cancer research and treats less than 5% of all children with cancer. Or perhaps you think of the American Cancer Society and its support for childhood cancer? Unfortunately, in 2008, with $1,078 million of public support; the ACS gave only $4.2 million to childhood cancer research, less than 1/2 a penny for each dollar of support.
Nearly 90 percent of cancer kids are treated by members of the Children's Oncology Group (COG), an international consortium of over 230 hospitals and doctors working together and cooperatively sharing results. This cooperative research allows COG to improve cure rates at a faster pace than any single institution could accomplish alone.
As a nation, shouldn't we prioritize saving our children? The facts on funding suggest we don't. So your help is needed. No child should ever have to ask, "Mom and Dad, what's hospice?"
September is..... A Cancer Story
http://www.workingmother.com/BestCompanies/childhood-cancer/2010/08/september-is
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I received a link to a song today from my friend, Charlie. The song is entitled, "I will not say goodbye." I have heard the song numerous times, but it never caught my attention. However, Charlie sent me some information about the song and why it was created. The song was basically written after several writers attended a funeral of a 13 year old boy. During the funeral the boy's sister refused to say good-bye to her brother. Apparently it was the way she said it and her conviction about it, that caught several people's attention. From that day a song was born, and the artist singing the song lost his wife, so he too has been personally affected by grief. Below I attached the link to the song along with the story of its creation if you are interested.
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http://www.cmt.com/videos/danny-gokey/529223/i-will-not-say-goodbye.jhtml
Danny Gokey's first single, My Best Days Are Ahead of Me, found the singer bonding with songwriter Kent Blazy over the loss of their wives. Likewise, I Will Not Say Goodbye finds a hopeful message coming out of a tragic story. Three years ago last January, 13-year-old Alex LeVasseur died when he was thrown from the ATV he was driving. LeVasseur was the son of Stephanie LaVasseur and songwriter Jeffrey Steele. Steele, one of Nashville's top songwriters, wrote Rascal Flatts' My Wish and What Hurts the Most, two Rascal Flatts hits that Danny sang on the American Idols Live tour. Steele also wrote Tiny Life for Danny's album. LeVasseur's sudden, unexpected death devastated the Nashville songwriting community, which turned out in force for the teenager's memorial service. Among those attending were Lari White and her husband, Chuck Cannon. White recalls one of Alex's older sisters speaking at the service. "It was so sad," White says. "She could hardly talk." Toward the end of her speech, the sister said that goodbye was one of the hardest things to say -- so she refused to say it. "My arms got goosebumps all over," White says, "because I just loved and respected her so much for being able to stand up there and say, I'm not going to make nice about this. "I had a good bit of the chorus written before we drove home." Not long afterward, Vicky McGehee, a mutual friend of Steele's came over for a scheduled writing appointment with Cannon and White. "We didn't really have an idea," Cannon says. "We were just going to sit around, drink whiskey and lament Jeffrey." But White had the song she had started on the way home from Alex's memorial service, and, that day, the three writers finished it. "It was very therapeutic for us to write it," White says. "Chuck had lost his mom when he was a boy and wasn't mature enough, wasn't able at that age to graciously say goodbye, so it resonated a lot with him." When Joe Cerisano -- a renowned New York jingle singer and a friend of the Cannons -- sang the demo, it resonated with him, too. "Joe and his wife, Marie, lost their little boy when he was 5 in a bizarre hit-and-run accident," White says. "It just devastated their family. So not only was Joe one of the top singers in the country, but he lived that same experience. You could hear it in every note that he sang on the demo." Vicky McGehee sent it to Lisa Ramsey-Perkins, senior director of and at Sony Music Nashville, who was helping Danny look for material for his debut album. "When I started working with Danny, the obvious elephant in the room was 'Do you want to sing about or address losing your wife?'" she says. "Very public, obviously -- everybody knew it from American Idol. I just didn't know if that was something he wanted to talk about and sing about, or if it was too fresh and he just didn't want to do it right now." Danny eventually told Ramsey-Perkins that she could send him songs that dealt with that topic -- if she felt it was the right song, and if it had a positive message. And Ramsey- had plenty of songs to choose from. Since most of the songwriters and publishers in Nashville knew Danny's backstory by the time Sony signed Danny to its RCA label, they sent Lisa all sorts of songs in that vein. "I got pitched a ton of songs about loss and death, from everyone," she says. One of those was I Will Not Say Goodbye. "I was honestly reluctant to send it to him," Ramsey-Perkins says. "I cried when I heard the song, and I was afraid it was going to take him down. I didn't know if we needed to go there at that point, and I held onto it for a while." Meanwhile, Danny and his RCA team began picking other songs for Danny's album -- "some uptempo songs, some message songs," she says -- but I Will Not Say Goodbye always stayed in the back of Ramsey-Perkins' mind. Finally, she emailed Danny an mp3 of the song. "I was a little big chicken, I'm not going to lie," she says. "I didn't want to sit in a room with him when I played it for him. I wanted him to hear it by himself and feel what he felt." Within minutes, Danny called to say he wanted to record the song. Ramsey says the song was initially considered for an exclusive bonus track -- until Danny recorded it. Once people at RCA heard that, it quickly made the album's final cut and was picked as the follow-up single to My Best Days Are Ahead of Me, with some at RCA even calling it "a game-changer." (The single goes for adds at country radio today.) "That's a really special song to us, and not something we would have expected to be a commercial single," White says. "I'm thrilled that it's having such a life and that it means so much to Danny."
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I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Nancy wrote, "Just a quick hello to tell you that I'm thinking of you today as this very intense and emotional weekend comes to an end. I loved Mattie's picture with his Sponge Bob. His imitation was priceless as he was in many of his life situations. Thanks for sharing it with us. What a wrenching week for you! I'm so glad that you have Mary and the girls to keep giving you acknowledgment and hugs. They don't come close to the ones that you shared with Mattie, yet, I know that they are welcomed by you. Life just gives us people like Grace to realize how important it is to be present with people at their level. This was not true of Grace and I'm glad that Mary picked it up too."
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