Sunday, July 3, 2011

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in August of 2007 in Los Angeles. We took Mattie out to California every summer to visit and spend time with my parents. He enjoyed that adventure, from the plane trip to sight seeing. I snapped this picture because Mattie was starting to learn to swim and we were all very proud of him. Peter was pointing at Mattie to call our attention outside the pool to our fish in the water. Throughout that summer, I would take Mattie to our University pool in the afternoons. I would get in the water with him and try to get him acclimated to floating, kicking, paddling, and swimming to me. However, Mattie was like me, we both have a respect for the water and are not strong swimmers. But all our practicing together, in a way, built up to this picture you see here.... Mattie swimming to Peter!

Quote of the day: Joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Today was filled with all sorts of Mattie signs! FIVE to be exact! Peter began his morning by finding the FIRST sign... a quarter at the grocery store. Naturally it reminded him of Mattie. However, the funny story about this was when Mattie was a toddler and preschooler, he was an ace at spotting coins just about anywhere. We both can recall being in the grocery store with Mattie one day, and literally he dove between the checkout girl's legs to retrieve a dime! Collecting coins was serious business for him!

The SECOND sign came to me while I was driving to visit Ann's mom, Mary. In front of me was a car, and on its license plate was... MJB! Naturally in my mind all I could think of was Matthew Joseph Brown!

After I visited Mary today and was about the head home, the sky looked ominous. In fact, Peter was worried about me even driving since we were under a major storm warning. However, I didn't linger about, and was focused on getting home. As I approached DC, the sky was literally dark grey and it looked as if we were going to get torrential rains. However, what caught my attention, was five rays of sunshine peering through the clouds. It almost looked like a ghostly or spiritual sight, especially since everything else around me was indicating a violent storm approaching. I viewed these five rays as my THIRD sign from Mattie!

When I got home tonight, Peter and I cooked dinner together. During this process, Peter went out into our garden and picked several sprigs of basil. When he brought it inside, out from the basil flew a HUGE moth. The irony is Peter did not see the moth when he picked the basil, but as soon as he came back inside, the moth was flying all over the kitchen. To me this was the FOURTH sign from Mattie. Mattie and I had a spring ritual of collecting tent moth caterpillars, feeding them oak leaves, watching them spin a cocoon, and then five or so days later after metamorphosis we would release the moths into the air. I joked with Peter tonight, that this was one of Mattie's moths visiting. Or at least a decendant of it!

After dinner, it had finally stopped raining, and we went outside. Outside our deck is a large flat commons space. After any rain, water accumulates in this commons areas and produces what looks like a mini pond. I couldn't help but stop and reflect with Peter about the puddle I was seeing tonight. This is the FIFTH sign, because this reminded us of Mattie, all the fun he had in the water, and all the splashing he would have done tonight if he were with us.

Tonight I am sharing some pictures we took this weekend of our garden's newest addition! Peter planted gladiola bulbs this March. He has always wanted to grow gladiolas and now four months later, they are actually blooming and looking quite lovely. Here is one of our purple gladiolas! A color that only nature could produce.

Each of the gladiolas are a different color. This red one is simply vibrant!

Peter brought 3 gladiolas inside for me to enjoy.

I would like to end tonight's posting with a message from my friend and colleague. Nancy wrote, "I am overwhelmed as my emotions swirl around the information of the last half week. From Wednesday on, you, both, have had to revisit the place that was 'home' during Mattie's illness. I appreciated Vicki sharing your thoughts, Peter, because it helps affirm all the pain that both of you share. As Vicki said, you were able to perfectly articulate what she feels she is unable to express. I don't agree with Vicki's assessment as she so vividly describes the pictures and tells each of us devoted blog readers so many of her thoughts, feelings,and actions. I do realize that there are deeper feelings that she might not share so this might be what she was referencing to. After reading the Einstein quote and seeing the dedication on the cake at Wednesday's celebration, plus Vicki's Mom's beautiful tribute, miracles do happen more often than many people realize. Mattie had to be proud of his Mom and Dad. I know that he felt your devotion and love. It is true how nature has taken on a new importance for many of us as a result of Mattie's life and spirit. Butterflies have become a symbol that I share with many friends along with the two of you. Their grace and individuality are two attributes of Mattie and the way that he battled his disease so fiercely. Your stories about Mary and comments about caregiving are special to me personally. I couldn't have gotten through some of the rough times during my own Mom's decline without Vicki's tender ministrations. Vicki is a miracle in herself with all that she does in spite of her deep pain. You are both my heroes. I am so honored to have both of you as friends. Vicki, you have given me many opportunities professionally to use my talents to serve our counseling community too and words can't express the depth of my gratitude.  I know that this weekend is so hard for both of you. I am confident that you will get through it with the style and grace in which you tackle many avenues of your life."