Friday, July 8, 2011

Friday, July 8, 2011

Tonight's picture was taken in June of 2007. As you can see behind Mattie was one of his great creations made out of tinker toys. Mattie and I built a windmill together. Mattie had the creativity and basically I was there to help and to chat with him. Mattie and I spent a great deal of time together each day. I was his mom, but as most parents of only children will tell you, they also serve as the main play companion for their child. Which is why parenting an only child is a complex undertaking because the roles you play with your child are very focused and at times very intense.

Quote of the day: There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. ~ Henry Wordsworth Longfellow

I began my day with my monthly professional counseling licensure board meeting. This is an activity that I continue to really love and I enjoy the challenges I am asked to face from helping to create the laws and regulations guiding the practice of professional counseling in the District of Columbia, advocating for the rights of our profession, granting licenses to applicants, and presiding over ethical violation hearings. Each month always has something that stimulates my mind and causes me to feel good about my participation and role.

Peter worked a full day from home today. He was on conference calls for a good part of the day, and I worked around him. Naturally Patches was thoroughly thrilled that her buddy was home and near her. She has a total rude awakening tomorrow night, or let me restate that, I have a total rude awakening ahead of me when Peter leaves for Nigeria. Patches is a very anxious cat and when Peter isn't around, she is literally unstable. She roams around our home MOANING throughout the night, so sleep isn't something I get much of when Peter leaves.

Patches spent a good portion of the day out on our deck. She loves the new chair cushions I bought and I have entitled this picture "The Happy Cat."

This afternoon, I went for a walk around our complex. Over the course of the past year, our complex has removed many mature trees. Three of which I was NOT happy about. Mostly because those three trees were special trees to Mattie. Two were large pine trees, and Mattie loved collecting their fallen pine cones each year. The third tree was a maple tree. Mattie and I loved this maple because we would collect the whirligigs that came off of it and then would stick them to our noses. Any case as I was walking today, the reality of the missing maple hit me. For months I have known that tree was gone, but it wasn't until today did I realize the impact of the loss of that tree. In fact, this afternoon I visited many of the locations around our complex that Mattie and I would explore together. Mattie and I spent a great deal of time outside as he was growing up. Even as a baby, he seemed to respond better to fresh air. He seemed happier, less tense, and agitated outside. So therefore, I adapted. An inside girl, became an outdoors girl. If it made Mattie happier, it made me more relaxed.

This evening, Peter and I sat outside and had dinner. As I have reported before, by 7pm, our Slugs come out in droves. They are like clock work each night, climbing up the wall together. We NEVER had slugs before this year. Okay maybe one of two, but not 20 or 30 a night! I can't help but think of Mattie and how he would have been overjoyed with this slimy sight.

The final destination for the slugs are my petunias. We have placed many petunia boxes on our walls this year, and each night a pilgrimage takes place. I love watching the process! Peter makes fun of me because he hates petunias. I love them and plant them every year. He is slowly coming around to my point of view, but he jokes with me that all my petunias are calling out every slug possible in the area!



This evening I have heard from a couple of friends who I will be getting together with over the next couple of days. I appreciate them reaching out to me. Especially since during the summer, everyone around me is so BUSY, but for me the summer is quite different without Mattie in my life. I also heard from my friend Tanja today. She is on a cruise to Alaska with her family, and today they saw a moose. She said they all thought of Mattie, and how much he would have loved this sighting. Indeed! Alaska is right up Mattie's alley. Though this was an electronic message, I felt connected to their trip and to them.  

I would like to first end tonight's posting with a message from my friend and colleague, Nancy. Following Nancy's message, is a link to a Josh Groban song which I was listening to tonight. I was introduced to Josh Groban while Mattie was in the hospital and I find his music very meaningful. Any case You Are Loved, was something I needed to focus upon today.

Nancy wrote, "Although it has been a week or so since I've written, you haven't been far from my thoughts. I was sad to read of your temporary hearing loss with this latest migraine and thrilled to read that it was just that, temporary. I am glad when you don't write too much at times. It means that you are as genuine as always and not trying to fill the page so that others will feel connected. That is something that I cherish about you, your genuineness. I think that is one of your greatest gifts and I don't have many people in my life who possess this trait. Writing a blog like you do takes great energy and is very emotional. If one is real in their writing, there will be times when the emotions are stronger than the concepts that we want to explore with our words."

Josh Groban's You are Loved: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU