Tonight's picture was taken in January of 2003. Mattie was 9 months old and look at that smile! Mattie was on the floor, surrounded by all his toys and to me he looked like the picture of health, joy, and happiness. I will never forget these moments, no matter how many years go by, they are etched in my mind and heart.
Quote of the day: When we lose people we love , we don’t mourn the past — we mourn un-lived tomorrows. We mourn the loss of people who knew us thoroughly and loved us anyway, and future memories that will never be made. ~ James Russell Lingerfelt
A friend wrote to me today, wishing me a happy New Year, and asking about resolutions or better yet my three wishes for 2026! Why on earth do we all set ourselves up each January 1st, with unrealistic hopes, expectations, wishes, or resolutions? Are we conditioned to do this, and if so, where does this conditioning come from?
What I do know is that research shows that 80% of resolutions are abandoned by people within the first month. There are many reasons for this abandonment, such as: (1) unrealistic goals (e.g., I want to be healthier, but without having specific and actionable steps to achieve this goal), (2) resolutions based on all-or- nothing thinking (e.g., you missed one workout, and therefore you failed), (3) resolutions are based on external pressure rather than on something that resonates internally with you, or (4) a lack of a support system to help you achieve your goals.
Now that said, I am not suggesting we should abandon all goals. Goals are important, they give us focus, they challenge us, and in the process they can help us grow, mature, and connect more meaningfully with people. But I think when you are talking to a full-time caregiver, one has to be cognizant that resolutions, wishes, and goals may look differently for us. The freedoms most people have in their lives, doesn't exist for the family caregiver. We can't do anything without a great deal of thought and preparation because of our responsibilities. Every part of my life is dictated by caregiving, even down to when I wake up or go to sleep at night.
So when asked today what my three wishes are for 2026..... my response was....I had none! My friend then tried to generate wishes for me. Certainly I appreciated the effort and the hope, but what I have learned from Mattie's cancer, death, my divorce, and full-time support of my parents is that YOU CAN WANT AND WISH FOR MANY THINGS, but at the end of the day, WE ARE NOT IN CONTROL OF OUR LIVES, THE OUTCOME, or our destination. The only thing we DO CONTROL is our reaction to what comes our way. Therefore if I had to make a resolution or a wish, words I do not care for, it would be to have the faith and confidence in myself to find a way forward through 2026. For the past two years, I have been like the phoenix rising from the ashes, I faced so many impossible situations and crises alone. Therefore, my New Year's mantra will be faith, strength, confidence and continual pursuit of looking for glimmers of hope!
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