Tonight's picture was taken at Mattie's fourth birthday party. We held this party at a local nature center and the theme was dinosaurs. As you can see here, Mattie was about to blow out the candles, but before he did this, he decided to pull me over and ask me something. Knowing Mattie, he most likely was asking me what to wish for before he blew out the candles! Who knew, at age 4, that the ultimate thing to wish for was good health.
Quote of the day: We talk about the tasks of grief. Emotionally, we have to acknowledge the loss. The second task is to experience the pain. What happens when you are going through a trial, you are still in the pain. Hearing the graphic testimony is like taking a razor blade and slitting open a scar. Initially, with a shocking death like that, you go numb right away, and a year later, you hear the details, you are more aware. ~ Eileen Schmidt
I began my day by doing Foundation work, licensure board tasks, and preparing for the Matisse presentation on Wednesday. This will be the second session in a three part series. As the day wore on, I did some chores, and while out I received a text message from Shayla, Mary's caregiver. Shayla let me know that Mary missed seeing me, was worried about me, and wanted me to come over and visit and have lunch with her. Despite having things to do, I felt I couldn't turn down such an invitation. Especially when I knew Mary was worried about me and my reaction to Mattie's 9th birthday.
When I got to Mary's assisted living facility, we all had lunch together. Shayla and I were chatting, and involving Mary along the way. Shayla wanted to know how I spent Mattie's 9th birthday and how I was doing with all of this. I very much appreciated the opportunity to talk about this. However, at one point, Shayla and I noticed that Mary was disengaged. So I then asked Mary if our talking was bothering her and if she wanted us to stop. She motioned with her head, NO! I explained to Mary that it would be okay if she did not want to hear any noise, and as I was talking, I distinctly remembered Mattie's reaction to noise. I then asked Mary if she wanted us to continue talking and she said YES. I know Mary appreciates hearing dialogue and even when you think she isn't listening or processing what you are saying, SHE IS!
While Mary was resting this afternoon, I headed to Mattie's school, to meet with Donna. As many of my readers know, Donna is a kindergarten teacher at Mattie's school, and she is the teacher who has graciously invited me into her classroom to interact with her students. Last week we covered Picasso and this week, we are highlighting Matisse. On my way to Donna's classroom, I stopped off at Mattie's tree on campus. This little oak is beginning to bud, and as you can see many of the origami cranes that Junko and her mom created for Mattie's tree gathering (on Mattie's one year anniversary, in which his friends got to attach a crane to the tree in honor of their friend) are still attached to the tree. That in and of itself is remarkable, considering the wind, rain, and not to mention the snow we had this winter. Today, I added the pretty big blue butterfly to the tree, in honor of Mattie's 9th birthday. It was a windy day, and the chimes attached to Mattie's tree were twinkling away and almost calling attention to his presence. 
As I told Bob and Donna today, they are both introducing me to the world of technology in education. When Mattie developed cancer, the University I worked at was just bringing in all sorts of technology into the classroom. But I never learned to use a smart board (which is basically an interactive chalk board, except there is NO chalk, and instead the board is literally like a computer screen in which you can touch the whiteboard with your fingers and get it to perform, surf the web, and so forth). It has been a real learning experience to see what the cutting edge technology is like now in the classroom!
This evening, I went back to visit Mary and helped her with dinner. After dinner, she proceeded to tell me that she considers herself lucky. I must admit I had to stop and think about that. After all, she lost her son to cancer at a young age, she recently lost her husband, and she herself is dealing with a progressive neurological disease. When I asked Mary why she considers herself lucky, her response was because she has a friend like me. A beautiful comment, which is very needed during a challenging week.
As I drove home this evening, I noticed as soon as I got off the highway, that there were police everywhere. They blockaded all the roads to my home. It must have been a 15 block radius impacted by this. Literally I sat on the road, with hundreds of other cars for 45 minutes. We all shut our cars off and just sat there, until the President and his motorcade drove by. I have to tell you based on how I was feeling, I wasn't happy about sitting in my car with hundreds of people, barricaded from accessing my home.
I would like to end tonight's posting with two messages. The first message is from Mattie's oncologist and our friend. Kristen wrote, "Vicki...thank you again for coming to meet me yesterday. It was such a great night. Peter....we missed you! Have a safe trip tomorrow back home! And...this Tuesday and everyday...thinking of you and thinking of your sweet Mattie."
The second message is from my friend, and our Walk raffle chair, Carolyn. Carolyn wrote, "Last night when we finally got home (after 8pm) – it was gorgeous outside – warm and breezy – and Ellie and I stayed outside for a few minutes to listen to the neighbor’s wind chimes. Every time I hear these chimes I think of Mattie – so we “lingered” in the beautiful weather and looked up at the sky and wished Mattie a Happy Birthday. Leave it to Mattie to give us all a gift on his birthday – a gorgeous spring day!"
1 comment:
Dear Vicki,
I just cannot imagine!!! You are such an inspiration!!!
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