Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tuesday, January 3, 2012 -- Mattie died 121 weeks ago today.

Tonight's picture was taken in December of 2004. Mattie was two and a half years old and learning to interact with Patches. He certainly gave her a run for her money. Early on Mattie would try to pull on her tail as well as pull out her fur. Despite this treatment, Patches NEVER bit, scratched at, or hissed at Mattie. I can assure you if I or Peter did this to her, we would have experienced her wrath. But she somehow understood that Mattie was different and tolerated him. A smart cat, because the consequences wouldn't have been good for her if she hurt Mattie. Over time, Mattie learned how to pet and care for Patches and they were good buddies. In fact, when Mattie came home between his cancer treatments, she always stayed close to him (before she was permanently placed at the vet for over a year) and usually sat with him on his bed.

Quote of the day: When I really hear someone it puts me in touch with him. It enriches my life. It is through hearing people that I have learned all that I know about individuals, about personality, about psychotherapy, and about interpersonal relationships. ~ Carl Rogers

To me, Carl Rogers was a brilliant mind. Most likely if you asked me who was one of the people I wished I met in my lifetime, my response would be Carl Rogers. He was an American psychologist who transformed the art and science of therapy. When I was in graduate school, and learned about Rogers' theory and techniques, they simply resonated with me. Because I too believe that at the core we all have the capacity for self understanding and for change. The crucial component to Rogers' form of psychotherapy was the curative relationship. That sounds simple and yet it is NOT so simple, because creating the right therapeutic environment and building a nurturing, trusting, and supportive working relationship is a fine art. Yet through this working relationship (between a counselor and client) a great deal can be learned, modeled, felt, and incorporated into one's daily life.

I have stated this before on the blog, but listening, truly listening, to someone requires great skill, discipline, concentration, and an ability to connect the content being processed. But I agree with Rogers, I can't think of a more tangible, real, and in depth way to connect with another person than by listening to his or her thoughts and feelings. In a way when someone opens up and trusts you even as a friend, this is indeed a gift. A gift that has lasting value and which can be built upon for a lifetime.

I had the opportunity to see my friend Ann today. We hadn't seen each other in three weeks, which back in 2009 and 2010, this would have been an impossibility. Those of you who went through Mattie's battle with us, must realize that in this horrific process my friendship with Ann developed and grew. Ann not only became my friend but she served as a beacon of hope during my greatest moments of despair. She signed up to help us with Mattie, but her presence did not end when he died. For over a year after his death, Ann was the person I spent EVERY day with, and in the beginning it was also every night since Peter and I moved into her house. As time continues I am slowly learning to reconnect with the world around me and support myself and naturally in the process our friendship evolves.

Later today, I went to visit Ann's mom, Mary. Ann told me that Mary asked about me OFTEN while I was gone. I am sure it was hard to understand my absence for so long! When I walked into Mary's room she was sleeping. Her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful. But I bent over her and said her name. With that her eyes opened and at first she had to register that it was me. But once she put two and two together, I received a big smile and she told me how much she missed me. Posted in Mary's room is a marvelous article about the first Dunkin' Donuts store in Quincy, MA. This store opened in 1950 and has been in the same location all these years. In fact, the store was just restored to how it looked in its hay day. This retro Dunkin' Donuts has made the news and it has touched the nostalgic hearts of those who grew up eating at that store. But the beauty of all of this is Mary worked in this Dunkin' Donuts store when she lived in Massachusetts. As I said to Mary today, she was a part of history! You must remember that I only know Mary as a person who suffers from a neurological disease. I did not know Mary when she was well, and therefore I am missing a whole part of life and history. However, today's article provided us with a wonderful way to connect to the past. Oh and just in case you are interested, Mary did confirm with me, that if you work around donuts every day, the last thing you want to eat is a donut. Makes sense to me!